Adam Lambert

ARE.
YOU.

KIDDING ME?!

Arizona

Well, it appears that I now live in Phoenix, Arizona! Christi was here for almost two weeks, and left a few days ago. So far, so good. I, of course, miss my friends horribly, but I have managed to stay busy so far. Today me and the fam went to an arts and crafts festival in Cavecreek, Arizona. The fair wasn't the best, but we did get to wander into about three galleries which was great. One was very snobby, and no thanks... the other was much better and had some more modern stuff in it. I got the owners e-mail address, and she told me to e-mail some PDF's of my work to her. She said they were booked through the holidays, but I don't mind! I would be thrilled if I was able to get some stuff in there any time! So that was exciting.

Right now I am working on getting an actual website up other then just my art blog. I am also setting up my studio! Yay! My parents gave me a room to use as a studio... exciting!? Yes. I am also working on a ring! It's taking FOREVER! it's made from a half dollar. Right now it doesn't look like much of anything... but oh well. I am just playing around, I thought it was a neat idea.

Man, I need to find a place that develops 120 film around here. I need to take more pictures too!! Anyways... thats all for now.

(leave me comments, yo!)

time for change

its about time I did something crazy to my hair again.




;)

I think I might be a little crazy....

Well, I think... I THINK I still have a right ear. However, currently it is of no use to me as it seems to be completely full or earwax and therefore effectively cutting off any and all hearing capabilities that it once possessed. The result: "WHAT??"

It has been FORever since I have read a really good, page-turning kind of book. And thank you LORD I have finally found one once again. Ah, life is sweet. I love finishing a good book in a day and a half because you just can't put it down! Although... now I don't have it to read any more. Blast. Thank goodness for sequels! (the book is called The Hunger Games, by the way. Check it out.)

I move to Phoenix in 12 days. (I should probably start packing)
Scared? Yes.
Excited? Yes.
Sad? Yes.
Happy? Yes.
You would think I'm on my period...

Exactly two weeks from today (September 23rd, since we ARE being exact) I decided I needed to stop making excuses as to why I am no longer going to the gym. "I'm too tired!" "I just worked all day!" "I just stood on my feet for nine hours!" I looked myself in the mirror (not really...) and said, "Self?! I'm tired of hearing your excuses and then hearing you complain about being fat. No more of this, self! You will go to the gym!" Naturally, I obeyed myself (is this not natural??). Week one was definitely difficult. I had to keep telling myself that if I just made it through the week, it would be an amazing feeling! Generally, when I get up enough gusto to go to the gym... I think, "Hm, I should do this more often." and then then next day I am sitting on the couch again, watching friends. No bueno. By day three, I am thinking, "YES! I have made it three days! I can do this!" and so I did. I lost 7 pounds that week and definitely with the help of watching the biggest loser while working out. Then came week two. The biggest loser warns me (well, the contestants, really...) that week two is the hardest! Your metabolism has just been put through the ringer (true... im not easy on myself when I go to the gym) and loosing big numbers means it goes into starvation mode. Most people gain back a few pounds in week two of the show! This is a bit of a let down, since I was wanting to loose another 7 pounds! How great would that be!? 14 pounds in two weeks! I then accept the fact that it won't happen but refuse to gain any back!! Let me tell you, I worked my butt off! And guess what! I didn't gain any back! YAY ME! Week two weigh in tells me that the seven pounds are still gone! AND I HAVE JUST WORKED OUT FOR TWO WEEKS STRAIGHT! Look at me go! Tonight was maybe the the WORST night ever, as far as NOT wanting to go to the gym goes. "My ear!" I tell myself. "I had to close tonight at work when I wasn't supposed to!" I try to justify... Then I realize that today is the beginning of week three and I just CAN'T start week three off like a little loser baby. I throw an internal tantrum. I am mad at myself for forcing myself to go. A very sweaty hour and a half later, and another inspiring episode of biggest loser tucked under my belt, I am feeling on top of the world! If I went to the gym TODAY, then there is no stopping me! Look out, biggest loser... I believe in myself... and I am comin for ya.

PEACE!

Oh Glorious Sunday...

MAN! I remember on my way to and from Nacogdoches, I would pass this one church, and on it's sign it read, "A church alive is worth the drive!" EVERY-TIME I passed that, I remember agreeing with it whole-heartedly. Church of the Hills is definitely alive! Every church has it's problem areas (which keeps most from going), but if you can get past that and back to the heart of the church, then I think it is well worth it. Church this morning was definitely a celebration! Don't you just love celebrations?? Me too.

Go check out my art blog for new pictures :).

BEACH!

Well, HEY blog! This weekend, me and four of my best friends went to Rockport, Tx. Although, just about the only thing we actually did in rockport was sleep and eat melted blizzards. We went to Port Aransas for the beach over there on day one. That was good! Ashleigh and I were the only ones not to get sunburned. Everyone else? Not so lucky. Although, I didn't put sunscreen on my legs... since nothing ever happens to them. Apparently I was laying on my stomach for a little too long because now the backs of my knees are pretty dang sunburned. SO RANDOM! It's only the back of the knee part, too! Strange. The next day I happened to pick up a local magazine and saw something about the Texas State Aquarium. So, off we went to Corpus Christi to see their aquarium! It was pretty dang cool! *Pats my own back* the beach there was way nicer too, so we camped out there for the remainder of the day.


this is what five girls in one car looks like:


Just me and the sting rays hangin out!





look closely, there are two dolphin heads stickin' out of the water there!


USS Lexington


All of us!



The only downer? I forgot to charge my camera battery.
UGH! all of those up there are from my iPhone. not too bad, considering, I guess.

Tonight in CPHOP, I couldn't stop writing. Here's what I wrote.

Joy.
Like a tree dancing in Your wind, my heart dances for you, Lord.
Like a flower exploding into blossom, so my heart explodes in your Sun.

Oh... Lover of my soul.

Like a little bird soaring through a big sky,
So my soul soars through Your promise.

Oh... Lover of my soul, You set my spirit free.

Like rain falling into the earth,
So I gravitate to You.

My heart dances with You, my Jesus. Won't You take me away?

Oh... Lover of my soul!

You're more pure than the purest water!
Purify my soul.
You are deeper than the most infinite universe.
Show me your depths, oh Lord.

Oh! Lover of my soul!

Just as You shine Your warming light on the smallest of all creation, let Your light shine into the deepest crevice of my heart. Just seeing glimpses of Your face brings unimaginable joy, and untouchable satisfaction. Just one look from You brings me my saving grace.

Let me receive the favor that is in Your outstretched hands. The hands that never take back. You are the giver of gifts that never cease.

Oh... lover of my soul, conduct my symphony.

I say goodbye to all I know with hope and joy of what is to come. You are my safe raft in this dark ocean; in this storm of life. I cling to You because my life depends on the buoyancy of Your raft- which never fails.

I walk into the unknown, grasping your hand, for You are the bearer of the lamp that lights my feet. You are the lighter of my path. With you as my guide, I am guaranteed no stumble. I will not grow weak with hunger, for you are the bread of my life. I will not grow weary with thirst, for you are the water of my soul. I grow strong and tall, for you are my strong tower. You have placed me on solid ground. I will not sink into the sand.

May Your words flow through me with the grace of heaven. May Your kingdom be established in my very being.

Be the roots to my tree.
Be the fruit on my limbs.
Be the sap that heals my wounds.
May no one cut me down.
No one can cut me down.

You are the melody in my music.
You are the strings that strum my heart.

You are my Healer. You are my Provider. You are my Abba. You are my Daddy. You are Alpha. You are Omega. You offer tender romance. You leave me roses, lilies, and daisies in the garden of my soul. I thirst for nothing but Your quenching rain. So rain down over me. Fill my soul. Yes, rain down from heaven, Lord. Reign over me.

Thats just WILD!

Hey, blog. Yesterday I woke up at five... pm. I know, I KNOW! Atrocious. I don't know what the deal was. I just kept sleeping. OH well. I DID end up going to the gym to work out, though. Now THAT is an accomplishment- and even on a lazy kind of day! I have definitely discovered something about my working out tendencies. Once I am there (at the gym, or on the bike) I tend to want to push it. In my mind, I am competing with... myself. Yep. I said it. I have to do bigger and better and stay at it longer then the last time! But by the time I am done working out (most of the time) I can barely move. The next day is no different. Then, when I get it in my head that I want to work out again, I think, "Ohhh, no. I don't want to work that hard!" I think I just tend to push it too far too much and then going to the gym looses its appeal. So, this time when I went, despite my competitive nature, I forced myself to take it easy. Guess what? It was nice, and I look forward to going again.

I just finished the book I was reading (I talked about it a few posts ago). There was definitely a little more sex than I had anticipated. The story line, though, kept me interested, so I just covered my eyes and kept going. In the book, the main character is the owner and operator of a wild life refuge. It was pretty cool, and since I love me some animals, it has peaked my interest in wild life refuges. For the majority of the book, it is a murder mystery and pretty suspenseful! So yesterday, when I saw this:



Naturally, I had to turn in and see what was up. Unfortunately, I didnt get too far. The murder mystery wasn't too far from my mind either, and I decided not to venture in for a look around. Maybe next time.

In other news, I got my graduation gift from my parents: an iphone 3GS! So far its pretty dang awesome! I even got a little lost yesterday while driving home and i just clicked on my maps, and it showed me where I was! Easy as that! What could have been a longer-than-wanted night time adventure, just turned into a U-turn, and I was back on track. Awesome. I also downloaded a Bible application, so now I can inconspicuously read the Bible ANYwhere I want to! Even at work when I am bored, or someone was just inCREdibly rude, or I am having a hard time loving a co-worker. YES. What a blessing!!

Well, I am off. I think I will go to Hobby Lobby and spend my gift card! On what?? Who knows!? All I know is that I have one, and its burning a whole in my wallet! Until next time!

I leave you with this:


(taken by my iPhone, of course!)

Boat Ramp Closed

So, the other day, I was out driving because, lets face it, it was beautiful outside. I started taking pictures (of course). As I was driving around Lake Travis, I was dumbfounded by how ridiculously low the water is.



Yep. That is a boat ramp... leading to grass.


Here, the water should be just beyond the fence post. You can see in the distance Marinas that are deserted on the dry lake bottom.



Just some more evidence of global climate change and how we need to start paying more attention.

22 and a Grad too??

Well, congrats to me!!! I now have a four-year degree (Bachelor of Fine Arts) from Stephen F. Austin State University!!

That's right! I graduated! I don't have to take another test for the rest of my life, if I don't want to! Although, I still may go to grad school. If I do, though, it won't be for a few years.

Today is also my birthday.... it was quite lovely! Woke up, got some texts, and calls wishing me well... then off to La Madeline for lunch with Christi and Ashleigh! Christi gave me some fabulously green presents! Lovely green towels, a great green box, and two CD's: Lady GaGa and the Ting Tings (who are amazing, by the way!!). Then as we were about to leave, we discovered that I had a flat tire. Awesome. So, off we went to discount tires to get it fixed. While we were waiting, Christi decided it would be a good time to get her oil changed.

Christi: "Do yall do oil changes?"
Discount tire man: "Uh... no."

Becky and Adam: "HAHAHAHA!"
No... discount TIRES doesn't do oil changes, so we went to Lambs instead.

After the tire incident, we raced back to the apartment, changed for a fancy dinner with my grandfather where he lives, and then raced over to his place.... "Westminster Manor." Just SOUNDS fancy, eh? And LET me tell you... they make a KILLER cheesecake!! When talking to my grandfather pre-dinner, he said, "Make sure you girls dress nice... you know, button up shirt with a collar." Wow, haha... I guess older men can keep up with current female styles after all! Or... wait... no. LOL!

After dinner, we met up with Ashleigh again and saw a very VERY horrid movie: G.I. Joe. It was maybe the worst acting in the history of the universe. I had high hopes for it, I did! PLUS CHANNING TATUM was in it! HELLO! Ok... maybe that is the main reason why I wanted to see it... I mean, CAN YOU BLAME ME?! Just LOOK at him!!!! At times, the movie was pretty funny... I have to give it that. The technology in it was kind of neat too. Hm. I think that might classify me as a nerd.




RIGHT....

...in other news, we may have the strangest cat in the whole world:



...and if that picture didn't convince you, then surely this one will:

Yep. OUR cat actually LIKES to get sprayed with water.
Who knew?

The Struggle

After posting about 30 pictures that were from my India stash on facebook and asking for votes, I decided on three (GASP! WHAT A HUGE TASK!) photos to enter. Normally, I don't title my pictures, but this time I felt like it would be appropriate. 35 dollars later, these three pictures are now submitted:


The Struggle for Hope



The Struggle for Grace



The Struggle for Existence



While 9 out of 10 times, people are rejected from any show they enter, it is still kind of a thrill. The "what-if" factor always comes into play. It is fun to dream! I researched the juror too, she actually has traveled to India herself, and has some photos up that she had taken while there. Maybe that will be to my benifit. Anyways, maybe I will be accepted into my first real show!

Unfortunate.

Tonight, I was bored, so I went out to get a drink (soda... mind you). As I was driving, I decided that I would stop by wal-mart to get some more comfortable pants for work. I open my visor mirror to take a look at myself... since I hadn't really all day... and decided that what I saw was a bit unfortunate, but not monster-worthy. I ended up going. I am pushing my cart into the entrance and around the first corner on my way to the clothes and what do you know? I see a whole group of people that I sort-of-not-really-know. Awesome.


Avoid!


I snuck around them, and ended up in the book section, where I got, Black Hills by Nora roberts. I am pretty excited about that, so I suppose the diversion wasn't a total loss. Lets just hope they didn't see me. Warily, I inch my way back over to the "fashion" section, and it looks like the coast is clear. The fitting room, however, is closed for the night. Unfortunate. I decided to look anyways, since it was just for work, and ended up finding... count it... one pair with belt loops (I have to wear a belt at work). Unfortunate. By this time, I am hoping that my awkward-acquaintances have left. But oh no! They are now in the next section I need that has the carrots! A necessity to my trip! Again, I am forced to wonder. Unfortunate. I DID find some beautifully green tuperware, though! This was NOT unfortunate! So, anyways, I manage to get all the things I need, am all checked out, and realize that my wallet is in my car... unfortunate.

Fast forward. I am home now, and decide I should try on my pants. They fit, but are about an inch too short. On a normal person, I believe these would be called capri pants. On Becky? They are just called awkward.Unfortunate. Lucky for me, I tend to be a handy person ;) so I decided to hem them. The pants are black, though, and my thread is white. Unfortunate. Being the logical person I am, I figure out a way that the thread will not be noticed, and low and behold, my capri pants have now been hemmed four inches so that they are indeed capri pants for ME! Sad. Haha...

In other news, My green tupperware is now the home to my wonderfully organic carrots and dip. Beautiful, no?

Bon Appetite!

Christi and I just went to the lovely and EXTREMELY comfortable theater: Cinemark Cedar Park. MAN, we live the hard life. We saw, "Julie and Julia." I have to admit, it is totally the reason why I am writing again. The movie has a lot to do with writing blogs! Ha ha! It definitely made me want to have a project, like Julie did. After some serious thinking (the WHOLE car ride home!) I have decided that I will pursue doing something more with my India pictures. Ever since I left that place, and that experience, I have felt helpless. What can this poor little American white girl do to help??! Well, I DID do a documentary while I was there. SO! The plan is to raise awareness. Currently, my only idea is entering some of the photos into contests. If they are chosen to be in a show, they... well, they will be in a show!! Hopefully, they will touch someone! If I could ever raise money for the organization, that would just be incredible! This is my short term goal. If the Lord's hand is on it, like I think it is, then it shouldn't be much of a problem ;). I am hopeful. The long term, amazing-if-it-could-ever-ever-happen-goal? Put my pictures along with journal entries in the form of a book. Now THAT could raise awareness! Anyways, you have to dream, right? Alright... off to enter some photos! Wish me luck!!

just some thoughts

So far, in taking this environmental science class, I feel that I have been greatly informed of... well... environmental issues going on around us. Even though taking this class is a HUGE task for me this summer, I think I will share a few thoughts, opinions, and some conclusions I have come to thus far. Keep in mind that these are purely my opinions, unless otherwise stated:


• 1.2 BILLION people live on less than ONE dollar a day. This has prompted me to try it out for myself... for two weeks at least. So far, it has been much harder than I imagined. I have also realized that, technically, it is impossible for me to live on just a dollar a day if I choose to continue to live in this apartment (rent, electricity, air, water...) and drive a car (gas). I didn't even think of that when I started. I suppose you can say that I have now modified my challenge to something more realistic for my current "status": I will not buy anything more than one dollar a day for two weeks. This does not include groceries. With all the "exceptions" I am already having to make, I am becoming more and more aware of how incredibly and undeniably blessed I am.

• I have been trained to believe that global warming is nothing but lies. This class, however, has given some quite compelling evidence that the REAL lie is that global warming is the lie. Either way, I still believe that we are in serious danger if we continue on the way that we are. If we don't make some serious changes, our planet will no longer be able to sustain our lifestyles. Since our globe's sustainability is not an immediate threat to our lively hood, we seem to carry on regardless of this monstrous problem (even though we are already beginning to feel some of it's pains...).

• I have come to believe that the source of all of the planets problems is greed.

• Love is the opposite of greed.


Now take this one on for size:

"Many of the factors that contribute to mortality and disability are a matter of choice. People engage in risky behavior and subject themselves to hazards. Thus, they may eat too much, drive too fast, use addictive and harmful drugs, consume alcoholic beverages, smoke, sunbathe, engage in risky sexual practices, get too little exercise, or choose hazardous occupations. People generally subject themselves to these hazards because they derive some pleasure or benefit from them. Wanting the benefit, they are willing to take the risk."

oooooohhhh Jesus!

Tonight I was blessed enough to co-lead the worship for Cedar Park's House of prayer. Can I just say that charasmatics KNOW how to DO IT?! I've never lead for such an enthusiastic group of people, and let me tell you, it was wonderful. The Lord is so awesome. I just love to sit in His presence. I could do it all day. He just gives me the MOST joy! I'm so blessed.

(and if you don't know, there are "houses of prayer" all over the place. My friend, Audra, felt led to start one for Cedar Park. And there you have it.)

OH! I brought my favorite camera (the Diana!!) and was able to take some pictures when I wasn't playing. At one point, I had my camera around my neck, and WAS playing and singing... thats pretty much as close to heaven on earth as it gets for Becky Rabb. Cameras, guitars, and Jesus? Heck yes.

WHAT?!

WOW!!!! I am so excited! I just got my own darkroom, pretty much, for TEN DOLLARS! The enlarger only fits 35mm film, but I think I might be able to switch it out!

Here is the enlarger (AND SAFELIGHT TO THE TOP RIGHT!!!):


She threw in developing cans too! Reels and all!


THATS NOT ALL! I got a dryer for the prints, and two developing trays! I just need to shoot some film and off I go! I am TOTALLY going to try out the coffee and vinegar developing process!!! YEAH! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I am in HEAVEN!!!!!! She also found two photo books... just glancing through one of them, I saw instructions for color development. OH my gosh. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe it.

June 16th

OH MY GOSH! I can't believe that I forgot! It is the 21st! Every year I make a post on June 16th because that is the day I had my surgery. I guess its a good thing I forgot... it seems like every June 16th for the past several years has been kind of dark/depressing. Well, I can definitely say that last tuesday (the 16th) was actually a very great day! It was the second meeting for Cedar Park House of Prayer and my first time to attend. It was truly great to be so strongly in the presence of the Lord again! I think Audra said it best... there is NOTHING like being surrounded by burning ones, not to mention... the Fire.

p.s. check out my art blog for some new pics :)

I'm ga-ga over GaGa

Is she drunk?
maybe.



Is she Dracula?
Maybe.



Is she weird?
Maybe.



Does she have talent?
Do I love her?



absa-freakin-loootly.

A few things

So its been a little while since I have written! Since my last "recycled" book, I have moved to Austin and in with the sis! Here are a few highlights of the time gone by:

• Cooking rice... it gets MUCH MUCH bigger as time goes on, and takes up much more room in the pan. 

• I am taking an environmental science class and its making me even more of a hippy than before. I want my first car purchase to be electric. 

• I am still meat free. PRETTY much dairy free except for a couple of times. Now I feel guilty, though. I have three so very precious kitties with the cutest kitty faces and I just can't imagine what it must be like for the animals we use. It makes me really sad.

• I really want to start making lots of journals and see if I can sell some. 

• I have an interview on Monday at Rudy's. While its not NOT my ideal (um, its bbq-MEAT-after all...), I will be working (christi... I have the hook up and know I am already hired.) in the country store and NOT the bbq lines. I really really really am looking forward to getting a pay check again. 

• One tree hill writers are just fabulous!! After watching all of the Alias seasons a while ago, the show got REALLY predictable! One Tree Hill (so far... only watched through season 2) is not predictable at all! I mean, sure, its FREAKING dramatic, but oh so yummy. It's got the drama of the OC without all the ridiculous drugs and major breaking the law. Yes, please.

• I really want to do something extreme like going on a hiking/camping trip for a month.

• Rice takes WAY longer to cook than I expected. And it JUST KEEPS GETTING BIGGER!!!!!!!!

Recycling

I don't recycle. It's no secret. Truly, it sort of confuses me... "What? Where does this go? Wait... why doesn't this count??" Don't miss-understand me, though. I really support the idea! I am simply clueless as to what and how. This is, perhaps, why I am so pleased with my latest journal creation:

Made out of completely recycled materials. The cover is made up of empty boxes that once housed cereal and crackers!

The pages come from brown paper bags!

There is a built in bookmark for your convenience. 

The book is even sewn with left over thread!!

Here is the blurry back cover.

OH and I guess I could show you the books I made for my book arts class. We had to make an edition. Two books equals an edition! WOOT! lol... it was pretty dang hard... let me tell ya. Take a gander:

**Disclaimer: The content IS a little negative, but I think that I make up for it on the last page :). 

In other news: my apartment is a freakin' mess because I am packing up and moving on Thursday. 

It's.

Driving.

Me.

CRAZY.

I know. You probably don't want to look or watch. Ignorance is not bliss, though. Be informed and make an informed decision rather than choosing to ignore something just because it hurts you to watch or read. (Shouldn't that tell you something right there?

PetSmart Supplier:

Net Art

Apparently there is a "new" emerging art. It comes to rest in the "New Media" category of the art world. This something is called, "Net Art." When I first heard it a few weeks ago, I was like, "Wha...??" I couldn't quite understand how to make a website... art. This was our final project in my web design class. One of the requirements was that our site could not be informational. So, for example, making a site for a company would not work. Also, making a personal portfolio website would not work. Initially, I was STUMPED. What the HECK else was there to do with a website then to give info? Isn't a website really just a fancy advertisement anyways? Well, apparently my assumption was incorrect. And so, I was brought into the world of Net Art. Most of the examples that I was able to find online were HORRID. For real... just DUMB. I did find some pretty neat ideas, though... like this one:



You can actually go and try it out for yourself using just your mouse. You choose your OWN words to "swing" and by simply moving your mouse back and forth, the magic happens. Try it out for yourself:
Click the link below. Once there scroll down just a little and click, "launch swing mouse version" and there you have it!
http://erikloyer.com/index.php/experiments/detail/swing/

Now... I have NO idea how to do something to THAT extreme! He did some major program making for that one!

The majority of what I came across in the "net art" field is more something like this:




go and be horrified for yourself : http://linkoln.net/abeandmosingtheblogs/

Well, I definitely figured I could come up with SOMETHING that HAD to be at least (if nothing else) more visually pleasing the epileptic MESS that is the website above!!!

So, with no further adue... I give you MY "net art" website. Check it out:



Go there yourself to find out what it is: http://netart.freehostia.com
**hint... there are three hidden links with in the main page and a few that linger further down the line.**

Meanwhile, I am designing my own portfolio site. It isn't online yet, because I am not done! Here is a sneak peak for you though...
The top part:


After scrolling down:

obviously I will not have the body of the "about me page" read, "About me!" That is just some filler text for now! :)

enjoy!

Broadening my horizons

Alright, so here's the story. My sister picked up this book one time on a whim while at Barnes and Noble. She ended up buying, and walkin' out with it in tow. Over the course of her reading it, she discussed it with me. Makes since. She was learning new and incredible facts that anyone would be excited/passionate about! She was discovering some hard to find truth!

Meanwhile (and before) I had been wondering mySELF about how much of what I do (some willingly, some just out of ignorance) contributes to my lovely medical conditions? How much of what I do is AMPLIFYING these conditions and their symptoms?? How much of what I expose my OWN self and body to... how much of THAT is the REAL problem and am I wrongly attributing these things to my medical conditions when really its not that at all?!?

Honestly, this had been constantly nagging at me in the back of my mind, I even went to the doctor once in search of advice... looking for the answers to my above questions! Was how I was currently living good?? Or could I do better? I know... I know... everyone dies! But while I am alive... I want to be as ALIVE as I can be! Problem: I am in college. I have NO time and life outside of school. In order to further and adequately look into my questions, I would need LOTS and lots and LOTS of time! Time is something that has not been a luxury of mine for the past several years. SO... in the back of my mind is where my questions remained, and I continued as normal not really knowing anything better. OH and by the way... the doctor did NOTHING and told me NOTHING that helped me or answered my questions. I was having some minor aches and pains and didn't want med's as a quick fix... apparently this is a foreign idea to most doctors. If there is a problem? Solve it. Don't look for the cause, just make it go away. After telling her I didn't want medicine... she threw out a few terms like "tendentious" or ... actually I don't even remember what else she labeled me as having. As soon as she threw them out, I tossed 'em away like a hot potato, because in my GUT something didn't sit right. I didn't want something like... a cast, for example, to simply help something heal. I wanted to know WHAT caused that injury to happen? Was it something like drinking and driving? Ok. Simple. Stop drinking and driving. SOLVED! Not just fixed. Was it because they are a child, and were being reckless and fell off a ... I dont know... a horse? Well, know that kid knows better, don't they? SIMPLE. Horses are HUGE powerful creatures! You must respect them and pay attention!! SOLVED! Not just fixed. I wanted to know WHY 99% of the time, I did NOT feel like a normal person. WHY! I didn't want to know how to mask it with meds, so I could more easily ignore it! (*Disclaimer: Some medicines are good! Some are able to provide things for you that your body isn't able to provide for you by itself! I have no problem with those medicines. But I don't want to just pop and prescription strength pain pill because I have a MASSIVE headache that 4 over the counter tylenol pills cant even handle. I want to know WHY! WHAT is the ROOT issue!) Right. So, doctor dearest didn't help me at all, was the point of that.... and the fact that all of this is still just lingering in the back of my mind and there was currently nothing I could to about it.

Back to my sister and her book. When she would talk to me about it, I would understood the topic to be: why vegetarianism is better. IMMEDIATELY my defenses came soaring up and into place. "Christi! God gave us animals to eat!" (*Wrong. He gave us animals to have dominion over. Yes, it is true... I believe that we CAN eat them if we so choose... but LOOK around! How much plant and vegetation life is there compared to animals??? Doesn't that tell you something? Maybe, just MAYBE we should be eating more plant food then animal...?!) Next I would say, "Where will you get your protein and iron from?? We NEED meat!" (*Wrong, protein is in almost every fruit and veggie and especially nuts and seeds. The average american OVER-consumes protein because the meat industry has lead us to believe that we NEED meat and that meat is the only source of protein.) Or I would say, "Honestly, I just don't care that much that an animal had to die so I could be healthy and eat meat." (*Little did I know, that there IS truly, nothing "wrong" with pure meat in and of itself. But the meat market now is so money-hungry that they resort to disgusting extremes, both in cleanliness and in the use of chemicals (like growth hormones and pesticides that are illegal in most other countries) IN the food that the animal eats which we then, in turn, eat... and the conditions of their nutrition... which is then OUR nutrition! SO needless to say, I had my reasons why I didn't want to read the book, because along the way she told me that I just HAD to read it to know! I had even MORE reasons why I didn't want or think I needed to read it... to pile onTOP of my anti-vegetarianism stance. But... she caught me. Remember those lingering questions I had in my mind? Well, she asked me one question, to which I couldn't deny that my answer was a resounding, "YES!" She said, "But, wouldn't you just like to KNOW simply what is good for you, and what isn't??" "Yes. YES. DEAR LORD. YES! FINALLY."


And so..? I read it. Reluctantly, of course(!), and with skepticism already firmly in place(!), but at least she couldn't say that I didn't read it.

Truely? I hate the title.... because its NOT about being skinny. But like they said later on in the book... they had to get people's attention SOMEhow! And apparently being skinny is IT right now. It did tell me what I wanted to know, though. I had my answers... I now KNOW what I am eating because I read the ingredents list and DONT buy things that I can't even pronounce. Yep. It is a little more money. I would rather eat actual food though, then shove and pour chemicals down my throat that resembles food.

Yesterday was my first trip to the store after having read the book. I have always had a HUGE mental block (as most people I know do!) against anything soy (especially soy milk!)!! Well, I sucked it up and bought some. Don't knock it till you try it, right? Actually, giving way to my HUGE mental block, I didn't even get "soy" milk initially... I got this "rice milk" stuff... but then thought to myself... "If I don't like it, then I am stuck! I might as well buy a little thing of soy to at least TRY as a back up if I don't like the rice milk." While plugging my nose, and making a horrified face, I picked up the two different kinds of "milks" and put them in my cart. (OK! ok...I Didn't actually hold my nose. I just made the face.)

I now give you my first experiences with soy milk and natural cereal (kids cereal, of course!!!)
The suspicious and new "food" I was about to try: (insert cautions and horrified face)



and guess what. YOU HEARD IT HERE! From the BIGGEST critic there was.... I couldn't tell a difference. Visually? HECK yeah! It LOOKS horrible! Thats why all those companies wanted to make REAL food LOOK better because its more "pleasing" to us! But honestly?? The stuff tasted the same! I was SHOCKED and kind of horrified YET again that something so foreign to me could be so normal tasting.

My reaction: (LITERALLY! I reacted and snapped a picture of my reaction!)


So there you have it. Soy... it doesn't kill you. It in fact, makes you stronger.


(side note, I had been successfully grossed out by the way our meat is handled by christi before I read the book. It has been like a month and a half now since I started avoiding meat... if nothing else for OTHER people so I wouldn't throw up on them or in their "food." Since then, I have more energy (literally was able to function for two days on only 2 hours of sleep which would have been a JOKE before). My skin is clear (haven't had to take THAT med ever since I started avoiding meat... which I didn't even really think about until yesterday), and over all, I just FEEL more human, AND my moods have been MUCH better!)

Bored.

I am in the digital lab.
It is 11:33 pm.
Book Arts is kicking my AZzZz.


While I was (am) sitting here in boredom, I ventured to YouTube. Check out what I found:


Pretty tight, huh?

Yeah. Thought so.

Dreamin'

I just got done watching a little mini sermon about dreams. Actually, it was called an "infusion." Not "prophetic" dreams or anything like that... OUR dreams... dreams like, "I want to be ________ when I grow up!" It was pretty awesome. He said that the Lord gives us dreams. When we pursue those dreams, we are placing faith in the Lord that we are of a royal inheritance and that He will help our dreams come true. We are at our best when we are living out our dreams because it is what the Lord has made us for.

He said we watch someone's dream coming true on TV or in a movie and it entertains us. We don't take responsibility for our OWN dreams, though. Too often, when we get older, we allow the toxins of discouragement and disappointment to build up in our lives. they then decide things for us.

This is SO true! How many people do I know who saw a job come by that had a nice salary and they took it?? They knew it wouldn't serve to further their dreams, but they took it because it paid the bills. They settled. I know that sometimes you have to have a job "here" to do "this." I know that. But I also know that I have a great opportunity coming up. I am blessed enough to have parents who will support me and let me live with them. What is my dream then? What is ideal for Becky Rabb? Being an artist. It is not ideal for me to work in some portrait studio. That sounds like nothing but a dream SQUASHER and monotony. It is not ideal for me to pump out logos or design websites, even though I know how to. No... my ideal is to live and work as a digital artist. My ideal is to be accepted into shows and to have people enjoy and respect my art. My ideal is to have people BUY it so that I can be a professional artist. Will that happen? I dont know. I sure and going to give it a go, though. I have a great opportunity... my parents are accepting me back into their home over in Phoenix. Maybe I don't know anyone there for a reason! People and relationships are great But, they can also be VERY distracting! Maybe the Lord is giving me this time to work. Even in classes at school, you are trained to think that your art will get no where, that it wont pay the bills, and that your name will never be recognized. They tell us about random jobs that you can get and things you can do OTHER than what your true love is so that you can pay the bills. I can see the benefit of this, of course! Never once, though, has any one professor encouraged us to work our tails off to be the best we can be and to be an ARTIST! Not only do I hope to fulfill my dreams, but I also hope to be able to come back one day and look my prof's in the face and tell them JUST that. Not a single one of them DREAMED of being an art professor. No, they dreamed of being artists... but this is what they stumbled into. I don't want their future. I want my own.

"Poor is the pupil who does not surpass his master"
-Da Vinci

Maybe one day I will look back and think, "Oh, the naive hopes and dreams I had."
Or, maybe I will look back and think, "Wow, see how the Lord has blessed me??"

my job is just so tedious.

soooo... When the internet is down at work, it turns out that I take a bunch of pictures with my phone.


This is my hurt thumb (last night)... nice and swollen. (band-aid left on for emphasis.) It may not look big, but it sure is deep! OW!



This is what I hurt it with. I actually HEARD it slice. It cut through a little vein.... and bleed for a really long time. Like... from three till when I went to bed (which was like around 3am). What can I say? I'm a bleeder.



I was scolded by my mother dearest, my sister, and friend (Kristina) because I didn't "clean" it... just rinsed it off. (In my defense, I was lucky not to have passed out! Veins freak me out! You expect me to CLEAN it!? lol) so while I was at work (and after the internet went out and I was walking around the photo lab to stay awake) I discovered a first aid kit. I decided to appease my three naggers ;-) and give it a clean since it was feeling a little better today.

These were my medical instruments... band-aids, cleany things, and neosporin:


First, I soaked it so the cleaner junk could get in.


Then I cleaned it. **note to self... this will hurt:


Looks better, no?


Then I bandaged it after applying neosporin:


Last, I caught up on the first aid tips approved by the University of Medical Emergencies:


yay me! I did all of it but call 911... haha, that was not needed.

Beauty From Ashes

Click.

RRRRRrrrrrrRRRRrrr

Hey, blog world! Somewhat of a breakthrough has been made. For nine years now, I have said, "no" to movies with the rating of "R." Many many many times now, I have been told by a friend or two or more that I just HAD to see _________ movie because it was amazing and it changed their lives. Amped up about it, I would go online to find its rating and see that the movie my friend spoke of was rated R. I have missed a few (although, not many because I have truly nice friends) outings because of the rating of the movie of choice. While at blockbuster with friends, a movie would be picked up, flipped over, and then a sigh would come forth from the lips of my friend, and the movie would be set back. It would have been rated R. For the most part, my friends and fam have been truly understanding and supportive of my "just say no to R movies" mentality these last nine years. Well, now I announce to the world that the nine years has come to an end. Thats right ladies and gentlemen, Becky Rabb now watches and has watched R rated movies. My first was Garden State. I have always heard people talk about how much they loved it. I decided that I would watch it. I decided this was something that I was going to do on my own as well. I didn't/don't need the help, advice, or pressure or friends on this particular issue. I wanted it to be my decision and only mine. I have taken this "no R movies" thing really seriously for the past nine years and so the decision to no longer have this rule for myself was honestly (as insignificant as it may seem to some) a big one.

What I have discovered:
• I hear more "F words" at school than in the movies that I have seen thus far.
• I still don't like the "F word." When ever I heard it, wether at school, or in a movie, something deep inside me stirs.
• Of the three (count 'em... THREE! lol) R movies I have seen so far, I have come to realize that just because its rated "R" doesn't mean its straight from the pit of Satan's den (ok, so I exaggerate a little). It very well could mean that its truly just for a more mature audience.
• I am really excited to see more. The ones I have seen so far (not all... and some just in parts) had mastery in thought and skill as far as the execution of the movie goes, as well as acting. I am actually beginning to see movie making as even more of an art (not that I didn't before... just more so now). Its making me become fascinated with the way some people's minds work. WHO thinks up some of these stories? I really could not imagine coming up with some of these story lines. I love a good twist at the end of the movie (6th sense, anyone?? STILL say thats one of the best twists I have ever seen!) and the twists I have seen thus far have been quite fabulous, some having even more than one!
• I still have no desire to see some of those movies out there (saw!!! why? just... whyyy???), and I will continue to avoid some. As for now, though, I am pleased with my new outlook.
• This experience has also helped me see that sometimes, I just take things too seriously. Sometimes, this is a great thing to do, but on others its just not that big of a deal. My mind was making this whole thing way WAY bigger than it needed to be. I think this applies to many areas of my life, honestly. Sometimes I am just so close minded. This has been something that I have realized this about myself over these past few years at school, and now even more so. Some things just AREN'T that big of a deal and I am thankful to have finally learned that lesson (hopefully)!
• I still say there is no need for cussing in movies (or life!!)!!!! lol...

SO! Now that a whole new world of movies has been opened up to me, any suggestions on some truly quality movies??

heres a little something I came up with on the fly:



feedback?
I have also decided that I am no longer answering the question, "How did you do that?" A magician does not reveal their secrets... why should I?? ;)



Thinking of you...
April 15, 1985 - April 15, 2008

It's still so weird.

SCORE!

So, today I went to good will in search of old vintage looking/antique photographs. Sometimes goodwill can have some majorly useful stuff. I was looking for them because I want to start making digital art again now that I know what I am doing in photoshop and what not. Here are some examples of how cool using antique photos can be:

this one kind of sucks, but at least you can get a general idea.


this is a little closer to what I am talking about, but still not all that great


anyways, hopefully you can get the idea. Seriously, though... that first one is awful. gross.

moving on... while i was searching goodwill high and low, a glass case full of cameras caught my eye. THIS is what I found!!!!!!!!!



ALL of this for just 30 dollars.


HOLY COW! I nearly peed myself while trying to play it cool so they wouldn't change the price or decide not to sell it! So far, from what I have seen online, they go for at least 50$ but I also saw them for around 200$. the original film that polaroid made for it is no longer being manufactured. You can still find it though, and film that is equivalent. I am pretty pumped to find out if it works or not. the bellows look like they are in really good condition still. Actually, the whole thing does... just a little dusty! Hopefully I will have some BALLIN photo's to show sometime soon :) alright, gotta go work on my book now. PEACE!

what the??

Yay! Today's going to be a GOOD day! I have FINALLY caught up on my sleep. Which means that I can CONQUR the world. OK, I probably couldn't do that... I just get excited when I actually feel like a normal human being! AND I don't have work OR school today! I can't remember the last time this happened and I didnt have to go to austin or... SOMETHING! I finally have the time to work on my book for class like I want to and not in a WAY too rushed kind of way. AND get this... I am blogging from HOME! This is a sure sign that I have free time.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Hello! Apparently I only update my blog now when I am at the photo lab. Today I am here for six hours. WHOA thats a lot of sitting and doing nothing! Oh well, it's kinda good because I get caught up on things (when I am not updating my blog).

Gosh! My head feels really strange. I think one of my neurologists miss-diagnosed me with migraine headaches. I was looking on WebMD and I fit SOME of the symptoms but not all... now, CLUSTER headaches... that one was almost a perfect match. The severity of my headaches vary SO much, which they say happens with this kind. They also seem to come and go in well... clusters. lol. I don't always have headaches, but when I do they normally last for a week or so! Anywho, I don't know why but its comforting to be able to like... put a diagnosis on it. Anyways..

One of my photos got into the art alliance show. There were not that many photos accepted into the show, which is REALLY annoying. Some of the stuff he did accept was RIDICULOUS! Some weren't even show-ready... aka: framed or mounted or whatever! The chair of the department literally apologized to the photo students b/c of the juror's choices. Too often this is the case in shows that accept a variety of media. If the Juror isn't a photographer or doesn't know enough about it, then it's not good enough to them to be considered "art." Needless to say, all of us photo majors and minors were TICKED. This has not been the first time I have entered a multi-media show and then this ends up happening. I am thinking of starting a series of photos and then painting on the prints or something in a tongue-and-cheek manner to say, "Is it art to you NOW?" annoying.

Right, so anyways, I am also starting to take pictures of what different church signs say. Some of them I just CANT believe! Then some are so cheesy, I know that I would never set foot in their church even if I had to... then others are extremely welcoming. The things that a church sign says... or don't say... can make a huge difference. They can also lend to the "christianity is a judgmental religion" stereotype in one of the most obvious and straight forward ways. hm. We will see what happens.

a few pics from my shooooow:


(thats the chair of the department down there!!)

baller books

the front:


the back:


inside:


the mess and muck of the background is supposed to be life and all of its crap and confusion. detail of front:


there are pages from the dictionary on it too with at least one word that I thought was appropriate on the page. the word "love" is meant to stand out and to be the most clear because Love supersedes everything:



this morning I did this:




holler.

Laaaaalala

Well, I am feeling much better now! yay! Thats always good!

I was looking more into Savannah College of Art and Design, and wow, I was pretty impressed! I think I will apply. Like now. The only question is, do I go the e-class route and work, or do I just dive in and go to the school itself. The campus looks really awesome, and not ancient like SFA! haha... ok, so I guess there is another question.... will they accept me??? Pretty please, SCAD? Thanks.

I have completed my book. YAY! I haven't taken any pictures yet, though. I will post them shortly, I assure you. I am in the photolab again, though (seems to be when I update now a days) and can't take pics of it, haha. I have about half of my photo's matted! YAY! It's going way quicker than I thought, actually. OH and cute boy was here too. We talked :). He's cute. He's white too!! WHAT?! yeah. I'm shocked too. Ok, back to work... at work. haha
peace.

Hello, hello.

So, its been a while, no?

This past weekend I was sick... and I mean SICK! Holy mother of Mary. My dr. gave me a new med, and uh... it didn't sit well. I took it Thursday evening as instructed and next thing I know, I wake up at 3am with cold sweats and my stomach decides that it just doesn't want that pill anymore. Up it came... and then again.... and then again. It's now monday and I am just beginning to feel human again. Dang. I thought I was going to die a few times there. It was pretty horrible. My loving sister came up to take care of me Saturday. I don't know how I would have managed to return to a normal-ish state without her. I really needed some protein and electrolytes but I had none and even if I did, I'm not entirely sure I could have gotten up to get it myself. I was pretty dang weak. As of now, I would say I am still weaker than normal... but as long as I can sit down and rest a little from time to time, I am good. I bet tomorrow or the next day I am back to normal! It's really irritating that such a little TINY (for real, it was so small) pill can just knock you out cold for days! NOT COOL.

So, Christi and I are planning to move to Savannah, Georgia.

Things are coming along for my show. I had chosen about 30-something prints to show and after it was passed through my major prof, it slimmed to about 24 or 25. I feel like I have built like 60 frames, but no- try six. Strangely, I still think I have gotten a lot done. Those six frames have been a huge learning process! One of the frames took three days to build because it is so SO dang big!! You know, though... I wish I could just like... splatter neon paint all over the frames and mattes though... just SOMETHING! I really really really hate doing things the "conventional" way. Initially I didn't even want to do frames, I wanted them mounted on like... pieces of old doors or something... but time got in the way and I had to make a decision on what to do. I would also just love to get a big ole hammer and hit on the frames to make a statement about how too much emphasis is put on frames and matting and mounting and perfect this and perfect that... blah blah blah!!!! ugh.

Anyways, I have managed (I am at the photo lab) to go get some test prints printing in the digital lab while still manning the photo lab (honestly, not as bad as it sounds... ummmm, hope thats ok. I think talbot would say it was... dunno about the other. I am actually out of things to do other than write in this (while waiting on those prints and studying for mexican art history, for which we don't even have a test until next week. Can I just say that I can't wait until my show is just... all over with! Then it should be easy going! Until then, though, I continue to make frames and matte and make frames and matte!

...only four hours and fifteen minutes left till I can go do whatever I want :)

Ok, so in my book arts class, we are actually making a book (finally!!). I have it all squared away. The only thing left to do is cover the book board with... well, whatever you choose! He offered different solid colored book clothes to cover the books with, buuuuut, you know me.... that just seemed boring (plus, I was feeling pretty horrible still this morning so I was able to leave after he showed us how). Anywho, later I wandered over to Hobby Lobby and got creative ;-). I am excited about my book cover and secretly hope that no one else is doing something "special." Wow. I'm lame. Oh well.

Guess I will go check on those prints now. peace.

click.

Zeal

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the lord."
-Romans 12:9-12

I read this familiar verse this morning, but i tried to slow it down a bit... soaking in each word and seeking out its meaning. Its really easy for me to just glide my eyes over familiar verses, but they are familiar for a reason. Some wise person somewhere recognized the coolness of the verse and eventually everyone memorized it! lol... well, one word stuck out to me, and you might know what it is... since it IS the title of this little blog! Haha! Zeal. I know what it means, generally speaking. But, ever since I met Jane and Jelly, I always hear them asking, "What does ______ mean?" If they were to ask me, I am sure I could give an adequate definition, but I wanted to look it up for myself. There is nothing like the ACTUAL definition.

"Zeal; Fervor for a person, cause, or object; eager desire, enthusiastic diligence."

Ok... what about "Fervor"? I have heard that PLENTY of times, but what is its definition? What does it MEAN?

"Fervor; warmth and earnestness of feeling, intense heat, burning heat, intense devotion, passion."

"Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord."

The next question that comes to my mind is how do I do this? It's so SO very easy to loose my zeal and fervor! My ENTHUSIASTIC diligence and my BURNING PASSION for the Lord!

"Never be lacking in *enthusiastic diligence*, but keep your spiritual *burning passion*, serving the Lord"

For some reason, I read that part differently this morning. Before I read it like, keeping your passion WAS OUR act of serving the Lord. Well, what about this: keeping your passion BY serving the Lord!
Awesome.

RIGHT as these thoughts are going through my head, I wonder what the study notes in my bible say about it. Check out THIS coolness: "spiritual fervor, "Fervent in spirit." If "spirit" means "Holy Spirit" here, the reference would be to the fervor the Holy Spirit provides."

SWEET! All people who are saved are giving the Holy Spirit!! The Holy Spirit gives me that BURNING PASSION! So all that means is that I need to be ever mindful of the Holy Spirit living in me and I will be FILLED with BURNING PASSION.

Wow. Praise the Lord.

Frame-tastic!

And let there be frame.


(this is the back side)

Ideally, it would have only taken 8 cuts, however seeing as this is my first frame, it took quite a few more! Haha, lucky for me, most erred on the long side. one was just a TAD too short so I just trimmed my matte a little and, BOOM it fit beautifully. All that is left for me to do is go buy some sealer to seal with wood so it doesn't turn colors, seal it, glue it together, and stick my print in. Oh, that reminds me... I need to get a staple gun too... to hold the print in place. YAY! I have more side pieces at home gluing so i can just GO when I need to make more frames for my show. SWEET!!! :)

Handy...woman? At heart...

YAY! I am actually MAKING frames! Ok, I'm not quite all the way there yet, so maybe I should hold off on the celebration, but It's fun!! The smell of wood is in the air up here at work! Yep, I brought it all up here. I went to Lowes (very quickly, I might add) and bought some poplar wood. Its probably more expensive than I would have liked to spend, but then again, its MUCH cheaper to make your own frame, rather than have hobby lobby make one, or even to buy an already made one. Just a little elbow grease, and some "know how" and WA LA! There you have it. (well, hopefully!)

I bought a miter saw and put that together. I was pretty proud :) :



Cut some wood:



and then glued:




I only had enough spring clamps to hold two of those together... one of them is dry now, so I will go and remove the clamps, and get another one started! Once I have four of those, I cut 45˚ angles and put together my frame! Yay! I will let ya know how it goes, but if all goes as planned, I will have my first hand-made frame made and ready to go by the end of work!

Wow. Senioritis, for sure!

Ok, Im ready to be done with this place! I have had many MANY good times, but oh man, I am losing motivation to work... Ok, in truth, I have plenty of motivation if I think about it, but I am tired of trying so hard!! lol... when it really comes down to it, I still do try hard. I can't stand not doing my best, but it is gettin' old.

I think tonight I am going with Sienna and two more of her friends to be with her to get her first tattoo. Nice. Should be fun!

I wish I had more exciting things to say! lol... I'm just back up at the photo lab! Oh, I figured out how much they pay me. It's more than I thought it would be, so thats pretty cool. Still not that much, but I don't do much, either! OHHHH I just helped someone for the first time. NICE. Problem solved thanks to your local photo lab girl! It was cute boy too. haha

Well, here are some pictures that I've taken most recently. If I shoot digital, I like to shoot at night mostly, and long exposures. I demand you to click on them.




Oh, I uploaded the pictures I sent to API (the organization we went to India with) on Flickr. Its mostly the kids we saw and worked with, and not really the entire trip. I wanted a site dedicated to India! I took them off of my art blog because most of them changed, anyways. Take a gander:

The Orphans of India

I don't have too much to report! I suppose I will go work on the website I am makin' for class. Aw! So responsible of me! There are worse things to do!! haha
PEACE

Saw XI

Once upon a time, there was a family of four who lived in a little yellow house which sat upon 10 acres of land. About a five minute walk from the little old house was a big old barn. The barn wasn't red, but it served it's purpose. It held a trailer or two... some old and unused horse stalls... tools, and even served quite nicely as a storage space- with room to spare! One day, while Mom and her two daughters were inside the old yellow house, Dad decided he needed to cut some wood. Out came the wood. On flipped the table saw... and so he began to cut. Mom and her two daughters were minding their own business inside the little yellow house when all of the sudden a heart-stopping, bellowing ROAR came from the barn. Mom was quick to react, "STAY IN HERE, GIRLS!" She raced outside, surely breaking a record in getting to the barn. The two young girls exchanged frightened looks and waited anxiously by the windows.

When Mom and Dad got back from the emergency room, Dad's pointer finger was just a bit shorter than when the day had first begun. Frightened by the thought of the saw CHOPPING off the tip of their dad's finger, neither girl ever laid eyes on that table saw again.

_________________
about 10 years later...
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Rebecca, the youngest of the two girls, is sitting in her Professional Practices course in the Art department of Stephen F. Austin State University. "Today, class, I will demo the basics of building a frame for your art work." Rebecca's attention shifts from her laptop to the professor- she has been eagerly awaiting this day. She knew today was the day that he would show them how to build frames, otherwise she would probably still be in bed instead of in her 8am class. She was running on only three hours of sleep, but nothing would keep her away on this day! "Ok, lets go to the shop! Follow me!" Rebecca nervously stands... she hadn't thought about the fact that his demo would include.............. a table saw. She knew she had to be brave, though. After all, one of her mottos in life is to face your fears HEAD on! Don't just take the easy way out! Learn something new! Everyone piles into the shop and takes their seats. The professor is talking... about something... Rebecca doesn't absorb much. She mindlessly scribbles down notes while staring at the shiny, sharp, finger-cutting blade. "Alright, so you make your first cut like this..." Rebecca's eyes grow wide, wider than they have ever been. The saw flips on. Rebecca flinches and averts her eyes. The searing sound of the blade ripping away at the meat of the wood mercilessly comes forth. Rebecca's heart races. She fiercely regrets only getting three hours of sleep now. The fatigue that she feels, mixed with adrenaline is not a fun feeling, she decides. She begins to sweat. Her foot taps nervously against the floor. Finally she forces herself to watch. "Come on, Becky! FACE YOUR FEARS!" The self-given pep talk doesn't work. This is a strange feeling for Rebecca- there is not much she is afraid of. The professor drones on and on and on, all the while making more torturous cuts that seem to tear away at Rebecca's nerves rather than the wood. The saw turns off. Rebecca takes a deep breath. "It's over," she thinks. "You did it."
"Now, to make the 45 degree angle cut, you use this saw over here..."
Rebecca's head JERKS in the direction of the professor who she sees lugging another saw over to the table. Having had enough, Rebecca decides she needs a "bathroom break." She swiftly exits the shop, and heads for the classroom. This is where she sat until the class and all of it's members returned. About an hour later, her heart finally returnes to its normal functioning speed. 

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for the Womens ministry ladies (everyone else, feel free to ignore):
click for a bigger view. keep in mind that anything can be changed, or mixed and matched, and these are just some of the fonts I liked and that weren't to cliche for "women." There is still a plethora of other fonts on the program I used. I was just playing with colors too... actually, I was just messing around in general. all of the letters can be outlines, OR solid. I can even manipulate the letters themselves. like the middle one, for example... I changed the "N" so that the "2009" could fit. the right most part of the "N" wasn't that thick. i messed with the green letters also, so it looked like it all flowed together. anyways... someone said "simple," so thats what I played with :) i thought it would be funny if it just said, "women" too, haha! oh, dang... i forgot about the WWF thing! well, anyways...

Nothing too monumental to say

Ohhhh blog! Take in a deep breath and then release it with a relaxing sigh. Do it with me now, will you? Ahhhh... the feeling of having time again in life. I WAY over-studied for an art history test I just took. Ridiculous. It was perhaps the most stupid, most repetitive test I have taken in all of my college career. I always think it is necessary to study the heck out of the material, though, in a new class and a prof you have never had before. You never know what the tests will be like. I could have just listened and reviewed my notes, though. I don't even know that the book is needed. It was only like 2 dollars, though, so I guess I can spare that. OH I don't even want to give examples on how simple and easy it was. It is irritating that I spent so much time preparing, but a great feeling knowing that this class will be a breeze. Boring.. but a breeze.

In other news, I actually was more responsible (for the most part) about my sleeping habits this weekend. I had a feeling that it greatly contributed to my tiredness level. I think I was right. I went to sleep last night (even after studying! wow!) around 11:30. Normally, I would still be pretty dang sleepy the following day since I need so much sleep, but I was not. I think this is largely due to being better at sleeping and waking up like a normal person on the weekends as well as during the week.

I feel like I have established a little bit of a routine finally for this semester. It is always a little unnerving to me to not know what to do next (Unless I just need chill time). Everyday (except friday... no class) I go to class from 8-2pm. Then I have class or work again from 6-9. Awesome. I like having the same time schedule for each day. I decided that in my time gap between classes and work (or another class) I would grace Java Jacks with my presence and work on school stuff. So, here I am. I figured I deserved a little bit of play time too because I read SO many millions of pages about FREAKIN' maize and how it was wild and the archeologists were trying forever to figure out when and how the Mesoamericans domesticated it. Isn't your mind numb JUST from reading THAT much?! Yeah. Mine too.

There are some interesting characters in here... as is usual. One young girl and her mother. I was CERTAIN she was homeschooled but then she started talking about class. Hm. Maybe my homeschooler-dar is faltering. Sad. Shes really pretty, actually. It's cute. Her hair is all frizzy because she has yet to discover the powers of moose/gel to tame those curls. Ohhhh to be young again. There are also the business men (which I never understood. Shouldn't they be at work, and not at a coffee shop?), the college students, old-timers, and the resident creeper. Ok, actually I have never seen this creeper before, but there is normally at least one here. Oh yes... fanny pack and all. He keeps getting up and wandering around. What the heck?

Work has been pretty non-eventful. Just the way I like it. Ok, actually I only like it that way when I am in school and need time to study... otherwise, I FREAK out because I don't have enough time for school work. So far of all the THREE (gasp) days I have worked, a total of ---drum roll please-- ONE person has come in! He wasn't even a beginning student. He has 24hr access. I was, therefore, irrelevant. He was cute, though. I didn't mind.

To summarize, today has been nice. Perhaps a product of (oh dear, the man next to me is talking to someone. His voice is very irritating. Whats with me and strange sound annoyances??! I'm so odd) a new found schedule, sleep, and enjoying friends. I stole Jane and Jelly away to Java Jacks with me for a little while before they had to go to class. Jelly said she would come study with me when I am at work. Yay! I heart them.

OH OH did I mention that I got adobe CS4??? yeah. be jealous. ok... off to work on a website. I'm so cool.

Brilliance.

"Hey, GENUIS! Remember how you felt this morning??? Exhausted. Dead. GO TO BED AT 10."

Yes, this is the note that I have left myself for tonight. Painful, isn't it? I think my body truly starts waking up in the PM. Once I am awake, I don't want to go to sleep, and seem to easily forget how hard it is for me to get up in the morning. I figured I would leave myself a little reminder. It's sad really. It's like the responsible and childish parts of me are at war with themselves. The more I type the more I am sounding Skytzo. Sorry... such is life in my crazy little brain.

This morning I made myself get up at 5am and take a shower because I knew I wouldn't want to when I first woke up for REAL. I also knew it would give my hair time to dry and ultimately make it easier to fix. *GASP* Did I just say that I fixed my hair? Yeah. I did. Straightened and all. A little bit of mascara even adorns my eye lashes, and at this early? Who would have thought? You know why all that happened? Because I left myself a note. On my phone which acts as my alarm. I knew that last night I would be thinking more clearly than the early/groggy (and frankly;dumb) morning Becky would. It turns out I was right. I was able to remember that this morning when I woke up. I took a shower (and the meds). Read a little while the pill took its nice little time to slide down my throat, and then went back to sleep. Hmm. Maybe I should leave myself notes more often. If it works, it works. No?

Last night around seven, I went shooting (pictures, of course. Who do you think I am?). I think my new obsession is the different colors of light. Does that in itself sound boring? If I were to title a series, "The Different Colors of Light," would you be interested enough to click on it, or to view it in a gallery? Tell me the truth, now. I am not very good at titles. I know how the photos make me feel, but putting that into short concise words tends to be difficult for me. A title really can make or break the show/piece.

Guess I should get to class. Be looking for those new photos. They are soon to come... along with the better versions of the India pictures (well, just the kids). Peace.

GET UP!

Hello blogging world. I suppose I am mainly updating so that my mom and sister know I am alive and not, in fact, dead. My phone, you see, is in Tyler, Texas. I, however, am not. Lucky for me, there are still gentlemen in the world who will mail it back for you. Technically, I suppose, my phone is at the post office. I should be getting it shortly. While I am here, why don't I just update anyway? Ok. I will.

Every morning my alarm goes off four times; 6:00, 6:15, 6:30 and 6:45. At 6:00, I wake up and take my energy pill so that by the time that I am supposed to get out of bed, I actually will. After the pill has been mindlessly swallowed by my non-functioning  brain, I go back to sleep. The alarm then waits 15 minutes, and goes off again. The hope is that I can begin to wake my body up even more by the time I am supposed to get out of bed. At 6:30, once more, the alarm chimes and this time I am actually supposed to get out of bed. The hope is that the energy pill has now started to take effect and that the act of picking my body up and removing it from it's cozy little bed will not be as painfully difficult as it normally is. Occasionally, even this plan fails, and, therefore, another alarm is set for 6:45 (incase I am still reluctant to rise and shine). Ridiculous? Perhaps... but it is indeed effective. I now know of it's effectiveness first hand because this morning, I tried to skip my first class. I failed. (Did I mention that I have 8:00 classes every morning? Yeah.) When my alarm went off this morning for the third and "you-are-supposed-to-get-up-now" time, my body resisted. I was up last night until 1am (I never knew how hard it is to go to bed at a "reasonable" hour all on your own until now.) I decided (or, my body, rather) that today was going to be a class-skipping kind of day. Unfortunately (for my body), my mind would not shut up even as my body was SCREAMING at it to do so. Slowly, I realized that my mind would continue its endless chatter (even as I laid in bed), and ultimately, my body would loose it's fight to drift off back into never-never land. I groaned. I sighed. I got up. Time for class... I was late, but I went. Incredible. 

Thats all for now, blogging world, but I promise to update in a day or so. Don't you fret. Until next time...

The desires of my heart

I was reading this book last night... and among other things, it made me realize how much I don't want to settle. The main character in the book is semi-newly divorced. She talks about how in the beginning of the marriage it was pretty great- even through the struggles like finances, but somewhere along the line they lost the love they had for one another. On top of that, and maybe more importantly, she says she lost herself, her femininity, and her desires. Her days consisted of taking care of the kids and as soon as her husband gets home, she pushes them off to him and "escapes." Wow. How much do I NOT want that? I really do hope to have an adventure-partner in the form of a husband, but I do not want to settle for ANYTHING. I don't want to loose my dreams, my desires, my femininity. I want to only do things that I like and things that I believe in. I want to be surrounded by those who support me and love me. I want to be cherished, and I want to cherish those who cherish me. I want to explore... I want to go to Europe and stay there for years! I want to live in the country-side of a foreign land... so remote that I could run around outside naked if I wanted to... I want to be able to paint in my "backyard" something that inspires me simply from what I see around me. I want to live for a time with no internet and no tv- nothing but books, art and hopefully, my love. I want to live passionately. I want to love passionately, and I want to be passionately loved. I will not settle for anything less. I will not settle for the status-quo because it is not something that I long for- it is anything but. I want to have a make-shift darkroom in my bathroom using only coffee, and vinegar to develop film. I want to use the bathroom as a darkroom more than I use it as a bathroom. I want to always have a camera around my neck, even more than now. I want to find alternative solutions to expensive photo equipment like using the coffee, or just buying a lamp for the "lighting" techniques that you can do instead of flashes, or remote flashes, or strobes. I want to buy colored saran wrap for "filters" instead of a "real" filter. I want to use film instead of digital. I want to do my best to live simply and not buy what I "need" because its "better" (supposedly) than anything else. But most of all, I want to do all things in my life to influence others for the Lord. Never have I felt more cherished in a relationship than the one I have with Him. I long to meet Him face to face. There is nothing more in this world that I truly want than to spend time with my Abba, and being able to physically look at Him and touch Him, and love Him and hug Him. I want to hug Him more than I want to take my next breath. He is the perfect Love. All I want is Passionate Love.

ohhh, just some randomness

lately I have been sleeping in until like... (prepare yourself) 5pm. I think I mentioned something about that in an earlier post. I realized this was silly and therefore i am now actually going to do something about it to get back on a normal schedule! I was just reading or watching tv until like... 5am everynight and then slept till 5pm. I coulnt seem to make myself stop watching or reading! so when I was still sleeping around lunch time (when christi would get bored and wake me up) I would just go back to sleep when she left! the past two days I haven't taken my energy meds either so that encouraged me to just sit and be happy sitting. haha... it truely was fun, I must say! I didn't get much done, though. I will admit that. Its my break though!!! I am soaking it up for AAAALLLLLLLLL its worth!!! anywho, I went to bed at three last night instead of five and i plan on going to bed even earlier tonight! WOOT! I have taken my energy meds today and even gotten up and gone to eat with the sis! I was planning on going downtown to get some medium format film but realized that I would hit rush hour traffic if i went now. I will go tomorrow. today, I must go to wally world. i actually LIKE going to the new one! its nice. although, I always want to buy way more than I need. it reminds me of target. target is AMAZING!!!

ok, random, but I was thinking that If I had an endless supply of money, what would I do with it? Other than paying off all the fam's debts, I would TOTALLY buy the coolest place in Austin to live. maybe even an apartment building and just bust out the whole top floor for me ;-) and my ART STUDIO!!! or, actually, I think I would get an apartment building with garages and bust out all the walls in those and THAT would be my studio! YAY! Then the rest of the apartments in my building would be for friends and fam if they need or want a place to stay! Christi had a good idea too, she said she would tell her friends to quite their jobs and she would pay them weekly. i said that some people might not want to do that because it takes away goals they are working towards so thats when she said she wold give them the option. I was trying to figure out what car I would want to buy too, but I haven't come up with anything yet. I am not too current on cars right now! I would have to look into that. Then I would buy the BEST mac desktop and laptop and a ridiculously big and expensive camera. haha... of course I would do the same for Christi (camera optional) and then for michael and a VIDEO cam for him instead of a picture camera. Christi mentioned paying for anyones schooling for whatever they wanted to do! I thought that was a good idea too. OHH! The UPS truck is here, maybe my ram is in it!

I need to enter "Texas National." its an art show that SFA puts on, but its open to all artists all over the nation. It costs 35$ though, which I don't just have sitting around with buying the battery and RAM and all. Anyways, top prize is $3,000! second and third get something too... not that I can remember, but I really think I have a chance to place in this show with my recent work!! wow, WHAT a great savings boost THAT would be! even AFTER I bought a new laptop and gave Chris this one ;-). I think the deadline for entries is in a few days. I have never actually thought that I could place in a show before with the work I entered. I hope I am not wrong. How amazing would that be? What a blessing it would be!!

michael, dont hate on the randomness and the time I put into thinking about what I would do with a whole lot of money! I said I would buy you stuff, so don't hate, punk!!!

Life's a Grind

Hey blog. I am sitting in Its a Grind Coffee House now, listening to a man play a 12-string guitar, and very skillfully I might add. Its extremely pleasant and has managed to change my irritated mood entirely. See him?? I snuck a picture with my phone.

He is in the middle of the pic. haha, I'm a creeper.


These past few days have been very productive! This is strange, actually, as I seem to have taken a liking to sleeping in until 3pm... or 4pm... or 5pm... ok, ok! I know! 5pm is ridiculous! But the only times that I actually did sleep that late, I had been up for a few hours before... so really it was just a nap! :)

WHOA the man is singing now, I didn't expect that. He is very good.

Yesterday I went with Michael to the Mac store all the way down in barton creek mall (holy cow, that mall always amazes me. Its so nice!) to get a new battery for my laptop! Hooray! Now instead of lasting 4 minutes, it lasts 4 hours on one charge! Amazing! I just ordered some more RAM for it too, it should be like new very VERY soon!

Oh dear, he started whistling... off tune. Not so great. Just stick to singing, no?

Ok, so after the Mac store, we went to Walmart and among other things, I had a key made for myself to Christi's apartment so we dont have to keep passing hers back and forth. I now have 8 keys on my key chain. I don't think I needed that 8th one. There is also a car remote and a flash drive. My key chain is pretty huge. I suppose I could get rid of the Gold finch house key, eh?

OHHH HE PLAYS A HARMONICA TOO!!! sweet. I'm impressed.

After returning Michael to his home, I went to the apartment and put up all the christmas decorations, tree included, and then hung up a big ole heavy mirror on Christi's wall because now it looked really bare with no tree and such. It still bugged me, though after hanging the mirror... I moved the stuff around a little... still a little bare looking, but better, I have to say.

Today I cleaned out my car, vacuumed it, and got it washed. Yessss, I always feel so much better when I do that. What'd I do then? OH I remember, I went to half price books to try and sell my text books that the professors didn't re-assign for the next semester. The guy there told me that I would be better off if I tried to sell them online. I thought that was nice of him to suggest as I hadn't really thought about it. I took his advice, and they are now listed on facebook marketplace. I suppose I could list them elsewhere too... I dunno.

Oh, I think one of the employees here was the whistler... not the music man. He really should stop that.

Anywho, I went up to Rudy's to be with the sis and take advantage of their free internet and munch a little bit (where I got my car washed too). It was there that I listed my text books, looked into some plexiglas buy-age for my ginormous pictures, sought out some RAM to buy, responded to a few messages via facebook and hotmail, and now I am here. Thrilling story, right? Well, maybe not, but I did get a lot accomplished I didnt even list some!! lol... ok.

I have been reading a lot lately in my free time. I have read The Shack (fab, I recommend!) which changed/challenged my views on having a relationship with God. Very interesting, and in story form!!


I have also been reading the Mark of the Lion series
for the second time (AHAHA! Hes singing "I will survive" now!!) Which I also highly recommend! The first time I read it, I was kind of disappointed because the third book changes main characters, sort of. The characters were in the 1st and 2nd books also, so they weren't new, but they were not the main characters in the first two books. Now that I know that, though, I think I will enjoy it more.


One more, I just finished House. I dont know what I thought about it. I mean, it wasnt bad, but it was kind of the same thing going on the whole stinkin' time. It was pretty creepy. I have never read a creepy book before. That was a new experience! I mostly read at night, too... I got pretty scared sometimes! haha! I didn't like leaving at night! I did, though, and was afraid! lol. Im silly.

In other REALLY random news, John Travolta's son died. He fell while in the bathroom and hit his head on the bath tub. A house keeper found him in there unconscious. By the time he was at the hospital, he was pronounced dead. How horrible is that??? He was 16. Honestly, what a random way to die. I am sad for his fam.

One last random story. I was returning some "red box" movies at 3am in the morning (I know, weird) when I saw a raccoon. It was very close and was drawing nearer. Immediately, my friend's raccoon story flashed to my memory. She and her boyfriend decided to feed one when the saw it around the art building one time. It scratched her, and bit her boyfriend. We all freaked when she told us because raccoons are rabies carriers. So, naturally, by this point I am terrified. The little creature sneaks up behind my car, sniffs it, and then peers around, and stares at me. By this time he must have gained more courage because he comes out from his hiding place and takes a few steps towards me. I glare at him (while wilting inside) and then decided it would be best to hiss at him. I did. I felt stupid. He looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was, after all it was 3am. I continued glaring at him, holding my ground and worrying horribly about my open car door and if Mr. Raccoon would want to go for an early morning drive. I must have stared him down, though because he began retreating back into the shadows of a lone tree. THATS RIGHT Mr. Raccoon! I will take you DOWN! You better run!!! I then proceed to return my movies despite my trembling hands. OH yeah. Raccoons don't scare me!!

OH my goodness. The music man just said he would take requests. An employee (yes, I do believe it was the horrific whistler.) requested any beetles song. He's now playing Blackbird Fly... just like that. He goes, "If I kinda know how the song goes, I will try anything you guys want." Um. He's just playing Blackbird Fly... on the fly. Amazed.
Peace.

Hey blog! I sit here writing in the apartment! I found some internet again. YAY! AND guess what... my computer isn't plugged in and it has been longer than three minutes... its still on!! WOW! I bought a new battery today :) I don't really have much to say... I got a lot accomplished today, acutally... got the battery, made a copy of Christi's key, took down all the Christmas decorations, hung a huge 'ole heavy mirror... said bye to brittany... anyways, not much else to say. haha, exciting blog huh?? :)

show downizzle

i learned something last night at showdown. if i feel depressed, sad, upset... whatever... instead of just praying about it, turn on music, worship jesus, and he fills you with the joy and peace that you lack. interesting. so, i actually learned a few things... the other thing: think about tongues. the Lord gives you a language that you don't understand. you know what you are saying, but dont understand the language you are speaking... like spanish or something. the lord intercedes for you and allows you to speak in spanish. prayer language is similar... only this time, you are speaking the "language" of the lord with moans and noises that YOU cant decipher, but you know what they mean. they are the groanings of your heart, the aches and pains it feels, and they are simply being vocalized. the Holy spirit understands your heart, your soul, your feelings, what you are groaning and intercedes for you on your behalf and speaks it to God for you. The speaker told us that when we are in these moments, to pray that the Lord will reveal to you what you are confused about or dont understand if this is your case.
it was so cool.

What the heck

School doesn't start back again until the 21st. Sigh. I feel stuck. Im sleeping on a couch, and have nothing to do in the day but sit on the same couch and watch re-runs or read. I feel like I am wasting away. If I had a job, I would feel better, because I was doing something. If I was at school, I would feel better because I am working towards life goals. Just sitting on a couch everyday is kind of horrible. I have nothing to work on or work for. I guess you could sum it up with extreme boredom.
Depressing.
I enjoy breaks, but now I feel like I am in a waiting period.

Well, cool.

I was talking with Michael last night over coffee and mentioned my, "Arizona or Austin after graduation??" delima. He said he thought I should try to stay in Austin. He would tell me if I was being dumb and should just suck it up for the perk of no rent in Arizona. This got me excited, because truely, my heart is in Austin. I told him that I would probably end up getting a job from my minor and not my major. My minor is "digital media" aka: graphic design. I told him I had no clue where to even START looking for jobs in this category in Austin. "google it," was his response. Oh... right. I googled it. There is a WHOLE PLETHORA of job listings on jobopenings.net. Wow... lets list a few: Apple, 3M, Dell, LeapFrom, Games Inc... HOW COOL would that be to work for a TOY COMPANY or a GAME COMPANY?! For serious, ever since I saw the movie "Big" I have always thought it would be SO AWESOME to work with toys or games! Anyways, I am really excited at the possibilites that my little degree offers. Alright, I am off. The fam is watchin Home Alone, haha. Arizona for Christmas it is!!

Ohhhhh Its CHRISTMAS!

YAY! I love Christmas! Last night Christi, Brittany, Audra, Ash, and I all had a Christmas dinner party :) It was just lovely! Although, I was having some strange upset stomach/gag reflex thing going on. I don't know what that was about. I tried to ignore it, though and have fun anyways! It was a fun little event to remember and hopefully repeat!! Let your eyes enjoy:









As you might have gathered from the post below, Michael is in town!! YAY! I love him. I haven't gotten to see as much of him this break as usual. It's a little strange! I have been pretty dang broke for the most part, though, and haven't been able to really do much of anything. I was able to get hired, though, by my aunt to photograph guests as they came to her Christmas party. This reminds me, I thought I had a blank CD but I don't- I wonder if Clay does. I just e-mailed her, so hopefully she does! That money helped, FO SHO. I am now done with my christmas shopping! I also have a little extra moneeeey so tonight me and michael and rebecca are going to alamo draft house to see... well, I don't know what we are going to see. I have been so disconnected from the movie and radio world! I don't listen to the radio much anymore... just pandora and CDs... and I don't have a TV so I don't know what movies are out! I dont see movies in Nac either because the theater is crap and Im not going to pay $7 for crap! SO all that said, I have no clue what I am seeing. Oh wellll! Ok, Im going to go. PEACE WORLD!

Boo

It's 3 am. Well, 3:22 am to be exact. There is a black and white polk-a-dot kitty snuggled up to me on my left. My lap is still toasty because a little tabby cat was recently residing there. My sister is in her room chatting away on the phone. Chances are I will wake up tomorrow around noon or 1pm, that is if Michael doesnt wake me with a phone call... "Hey. What are you doing?"
"Nothin'..."
"You just woke up didn't you?"
"Well... yeah."
"Ohhh, Becky."
"What??"
"What are you doing today?"
"Nothing. What should we do? I don't have any money."
"I don't either."
"Well, if you get bored, you can come over..."
"Ok, well, we'll see."
"Ok, talk to you later, then I guess."
"Later."
"Bye."

All seems normal in the world.
I'm tired of normal.
I seek change.

INDIA

Hey, blog world. I have been having trouble logging in but finally resolved the problem! Yay! Over this break, Zach and I have resolved to FINISH our India project! I figured out that if I edit at least two photos a day, I will have them all done by the end of break with some days to spare! I am excited and pumped to have our show! Go to my art blog to check out the latest India pictures. Keep an open calendar for this coming semester. We are hoping to have the show early-mid semester.

It's good to be back in Austin. Although, as I kind of expected, I haven't gotten very sound sleep seeing as I am sleeping on a couch and the kitties tend to be quite demanding/loud at night. Even IN their kennels, the just bang on the door of the kennel making noise and meooowwww! Goodness, goodness. I think we are getting closer to a quiet kitty solution, though. Plan number 1,009: Chester in bathroom in big kennel with kennel door pushed against wall and a towel stuffed between wall and door so that no loud noises errupt. Itty in bathroom in little kennel on TOP of big kennel to keep big kennel firmly against towel and wall. Sydney: loose in bathroom. Will THIS plan work? Well, we shall see. WE SHALL SEE!
More later...
... go look at the India pictures!

The Two Man Gentlemen Band and more!

Ok, these guys were blog-worthy. I just love the sense of humor they have... and a few... suggestive remarks... lol, its just so funny and fun and entertaining! Take a gander, will you? Not only are they funny, but they DO have skillzzzz!







MAN you just gotta love those... err... kazoo neck strap holder things??
ps, credit and thanks to Rand Renfrow for finding/showing me these guys

I think a HALLELUJAH is in order, folks. I have survived yet ANOTHER semester of college. I have enjoyed the semester greatly, with being challenged artistically (as college should do), making new friends, and growing closer to old ones... its been a good one. So-long to dear Melanie and Camlin- they will be missed as they graduate! Class just wont be the same without them! Never-the-less, I look forward to the coming semester and getting to know and be around other friends even more! I have definitely learned to (no matter the art class) make things that I am interested in and and can put my heart into- not just making something arbitrary because you are getting a grade. I have learned to be purposeful and feel like my horizons have been broadened. I have enjoyed immensely seeing three friends come to know the Lord over this semester, being able to watch them grow in their relationships with Christ, and see the change take place in their hearts. I have loved singing with Sandy for church and bid her farewell also. So, cheers to a great semester, as I look forward to the next! Now it is time to go catch up on all that sleep I have been missing so much!!!
peace and love...

Finals week! BOO!

Hey, blog. Lets take a study break, no? My GOODNESS last week was crazy! Normally, I have all my projects done by now (finals week). Well, lets just say that I don't this time around. It will all be finished, though, and with little to no stress (meaning, I have plenty of time, excluding unforeseen problems. **crosses fingers**) I am not sure if I got less sleep than normal (last week) or if its a culmination of the entire semester piled up, but LORD knows I was feelin' STRANGE because of sleep deprivation. This weekend, I managed to sleep two days STRAIGHT (except for the occasional feeding, and cats waking me up!) I am feeling much more like a person now. I still don't know how I haven't gotten really sick from lack of sleep this semester. I guess someone upstairs has got my back.

Right now I am in the digital lab printing off some (ok, ALL) of my prints for my finial in my independent study. Some of the prints are horribly long, as I think I have mentioned before. What can I say? I like large scale! The longest (I believe) is printing right now. It is about five feet long. Yes... thats two inches short of being as tall as I am. LOVE IT! It should be done printing in a bout an hour. Lol... yeah, those big'ens take some time! The bigger the print, though, the more money you can end up selling ir for! I am not going to lie, that has a little bit to do with why they are so large. Mainly, though I just enjoy large scale and the detail that you can see when it is so big! I also enjoy the challenge of how to present them! So many possibilities! Normal framing and matting just ISNT for me!!

These are the images that made the cut so far:

four foot, four inches long:


four feet long:


five feet long:



four foot, four inches long:










a few inches shy of three feet long:





I still have five more that I need to edit and print on top of all of this. The editing process, for the most part, isn't too hard for this series. Who is to say what IS right and what ISN'T with these? Dust on the print outs is never ok, though, so thats one of the things I have to edit for!

Tomorrow at 8:30 am I have my only actual exam. BOO! I should be good though. With the time that its taking to print these long prints, I have plenty of study time. After my exam tomorrow, I will be matting (due to professors request) the smaller prints. You know, that seems like a waste to me, though, if I wont end up using it! I should e-mail him. One moment please...
...ok, I e-mailed him.

...My huge-o print finished. It printed wrong. I get to re-print it now. JOY!...

So anyways, maybe I won't have to matte those little ones. Seems like a waste of money! Ya know?? Yeah. Fo sho.

I don't have much else to say. Be good now!

Let me look into my little crystal ball and tell you your future job.

Annnnnnnnnnnndddddd, I'm back. I keep having people tell me, "I've been reading your blog!" or, "I read on your blog...." and things of this nature. Come on, people! Don't be a silent reader, leave comments! :)

Now that thats over... Thanksgiving break was nice. Got to see lots of family and a little bit of friends. I wish I got to see lots of family and LOTS of friends! Oh well, you take what you can get, eh? I worked on my drawing project over the break. LORD knows I am no where near done. It has to be done by Friday the 12th. I was at Java Jacks today with Sandy... she was studying, I was drawing (on a HUGE drawing board! It was awkward.) I got PRETTY frustrated with it! My face... doesnt look like my face. Everything else? Well... whatever. Taking the prof's suggestion from a while ago, I photographed the drawing, opened it and the file I am drawing from in photoshop and compared. Well, first I over-layed the two images with the drawing on top and see-through. Turns out my face is right... thats pretty cool, but scary that it IS right. Whats wrong then?? Why does it still not look like me? Oh. I didn't draw my forehead big enough. Dang it. Wouldn't you know??? The forehead must get bigger. FABULOUS!



Yes. THAT forehead. I know, you are shielding your eyes from the glare, right?? Haha, oh well.
You see where the tip of the arrow is on my mouse? Thats where my forhead SHOULD be. At the bottom of the cross thingy on the mouse is where I drew it. crap. It needs to move OUT too, don't know if you can see it or not.



On to the next topic...
I have been looking around, recently, at the job market for someone like myself. Weird? Yes. As far as I have found via Craigs List, there is jack-squat. Crap. I eventually ended up on Yahoo Jobs. Guess who is hiring Photographers?? The U.S. Navy. Ugh. I don't think I could qualify since you have to pass a health check. If I did, though? That would actually be REALLY exciting. A very steady job for sure and garunteed $$ and bonuses and travel. I think my mom would FLIP out anyways, even if I wouldn't be "fighting." On to another search... Ok, long story short? I ended up an the apple website looking at their job opportunities. They actually have a campus in Austin, but the "design" jobs are in California... um, thats not too shabby either. Now that I am looking more at job opportunities, maybe I should go to grad school for design? The only thing is I don't have much in my portfolio for that. I am not too sure I could be accepted with the stuff I have, lol. Who knows?? Not me. I shall continue in my search. Apple will DEFINITELY be applied to, though. How exciting would THAT be?? They even had a section for "Just graduated?? We hire recent Grads with little to no experience!" Well, that sounds like me!!!


I must go to sleep now, I have been trying to be responsible. I will leave you with this:
My stereographic camera. High tech, eh?

I made it...

Hey blog! Well, I made it through the last two days, and now its Thanksgiving break. Are you as shocked as me? It was a strange day, though. My alarm didn't go off for my first class. It does that when I miss a text or a call. So, because the phone has a "one missed call" message on it when I open it up, somehow that means it will not let my alarm go off. I guess it can't do two things at once. My phone truly sucks. Sometimes it likes to make its screen go black... or white. I guess its good that its not racist. I wouldn't be down with that. It also likes to make very strange noises when I call Christi. Oh yes, I must not forget that it is selective on who it lets through. Yes, my phone has favorites, apparently. Sometimes people call me, but my phone doesn't want me to know. Same with texting... It's quite a joy.

My apartment is nice and clean, as I dislike coming back to a messy home. Sometimes I just let it slip and leave with things all messy, but this time I just couldn't let that happen. Now all I have left is to pack for Austin. Only trouble is that I don't feel all that well. Maybe I have a "bug," as my mother would put it. I just feel kind of weak, and oh... theres this migraine that is pounding at my head. If you have never had a migraine before, consider yourself blessed! It is perhaps the most painful natural thing that you can ever experienced. I hear child birth is pretty painful, though. That and appendix-burstage. Hopefully, I will never experience either. Yuck, I feel a little like I might throw up. Maybe I had too much raisin nut bran. Is that possible? Perhaps I just need some sleep.


Next semester I have my BFA show. Every BFA (Bachelor of Fine Arts) has to have one. I don't know how I should hang my stuff, though. Most people just matte it, frame it in black frames, and hang it. OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH! So boring. Don't get me wrong, it looks very nice, but I just want something more exciting! Plus, I have some VERY big and long prints that I'm pretty sure I couldn't matte even if I wanted too... I don't think that they make sheets of matte board that big-- not that I know of, at least. I am thinking that maybe I will mount them on something... something like matte board... lol. That sounds funny, but I think they MIGHT make sheets as long as my prints, but not LONGER than and TALLER than the prints (it has to be bigger than the print if you are going to put a matte around the outside of it.) Maybe I can then put some non-reflective plexi glass in front of it. I would have to get the EXACT right size, though. That makes me sort of nervous. I was also thinking that it would be TIGHT if they were all like... hanging from the ceiling all over and in the room and its like, you walk into my imagination when you walk into the gallery! OHHHHHH!! Nice. That would have a lot of variables that could go wrong, though. I would have to experiment. I believe it was last semester (?) that I was in a show where we hung the pictures from the ceiling along the walls. ALL of the pictures leaned forward, though-- It was definitely an unfortunate and unforeseen mishap. It was strange, indeed. We figured out that if we hung them from almost the top of the frame, they were just about vertical, but not quite. Maybe if I hang them from the very top, they will hang straight. How would I do that, though? Hmmm.... black binder clips? Hanging can be tricky, you don't want the manner in which you hang to detract or distract from your work. I definitely don't want them to fall, either! So much to think about! I am open to suggestions!!

Well, the time has come again where I shall depart. I will leave you with two things: 1) I love incense. The unfortunate thing about it, though, is that it easily makes a mess, and when people (who don't know you) see it, they assume you are a stoner. Not cool.
2) I am taking a web design class next semester and I am really excited. I think that might make me a geek.

Peace.

Back So Soon?

I told you that I would write more! Are you proud?? Ok. This past week or so my appetite has decreased significantly (the reason for this is unknown to me). My body is starting to adjust, I think, to very little food intake. Exhibit A: Yesterday I didn't ONCE get hungry, and I therefore forgot to eat. Nothing. No food. Nothing at all. Hmmm. This is not very healthy. Think about it, though... if you were distracted/busy all day long and never once felt a hunger pain, what would remind you to eat?
"Becky. I have been eating all my life. I think I would remember." No, seriously!! Think of a BUSY day that you have had... many things to accomplish... you rarely slow down. You would forget to eat! I bet you ANYTHING! Now don't get all CrAzY on me and think that this is some scheme or excuse of mine to loose weight, you silly people! Don't you know that eating less frequently slows your metabolism, therefore making it harder to loose weight?! Goodness. (This reminds me, I need to buy some more vitamins. I think my old bottle had some latex in it. It is now in a landfill somewhere.) I haven't gotten hungry today. I am trying to eat at THIS very moment, though. I have taken two bites of a homemade turkey and cheese wrap and I already feel STUFFED. What the heck. You know what I have noticed, though? ...Extreme behavior shifts when I forget to eat for a while. I don't get hungry, but obviously my body needs food. When it hasn't had food in a while, I get CRANKY and irritable. This is strange to me as well. Food. It effects your mood. Weird.

Remember the scheduling conflict that I talked about in my last post? I FINALLY was able to log into MySFA and drop that science class for the Professional Practices course. I think it was a good move, even IF it means that now, on Tuesday and Thursday, my schedule next semester will be classes from 8am until 9pm.
...OH YES I just realized (I went to look at my schedule online) that I have a 4 hour break in there! Yay! That will be good nap time/work time :). I was also able to sign up for Book Arts! YAY! Normally a pre-requisite of beginning printmaking is required before you can take that class. I have not taken it. I decided to e-mail the prof and tell him that this is my last semester for electives and I asked if there was ANY way that I could take his Book Arts class because I REALLY wanted to learn about it. I must have laid it on THICK because he waved all pre-requisite requirements JUST for ME! He literally said, "Just for you!" YessssSsSsSsSssss!

**Bite number three: eaten**
**Gag reflex: heightened**

Well, I told you that I would post some of my latest photos. There are more on my art blog.




This series, Beautiful Everyday Motion, tries to capture the beauty of everyday life. There was nothing too extraordinary going on when the pictures were taken. It was not a planned out shoot. In fact, half the time, I didn't even know what I was taking a picture of. I would simply hold out the camera in a random manor and snap a picture or two (or three). To me, this is a photographic way to appreciate what is around you... to bring out its inherent beauty... to "stop and smell the roses." I simply love the results so far. What a majestic creation, and what a majestic Creator.

AAANNNNNDDDDD lastly, I am pretty excited about my drawing project! Weird, huh? Maybe its because I am finally starting to be able to think in drawing terms. It was initially hard for me to just come up with an idea and then... draw it?? What?? No thanks. I am getting better at that now, and I am excited about my idea. I thought it would be neat to have me sitting on my little couch in my living room with a book on my lap "supposedly" studying. In the image, I am daydreaming rather than studying, though. I will be thinking about things I need to do/would RATHER be doing but I am stuck studying instead. To convey that idea, I will have me in the picture several times. One will be me going out the door, another will be me picking up my mess and THEN suddenly the right side of the image blends and fades into an outside scene with me on a photoshoot, taking pictures of someone I have painted on. I made a mock-up of the left side of the drawing so I could have something to draw from:

the images of me going out the door and my cleaning will be slightly see-through and less "finished" looking to show that they are in the daydream. It will DEFINITELY be a task making it all work, but I am super excited to get started. It is always good to be excited about a project you are doing... you tend to put more effort into it.

Well, I am off. I think I will take a nap or something. I am kinda beat.

**finished turkey wrap**

And so, I leave you with this: In my 3D design class yesterday, A woman accidently poked herself in the eye with wire. Her EYEBALL started bleeding. She was litterally crying blood.

Log it all!!

Hey, Blog. I am sorry that I haven't spoke to you in a while. I have been SO busy! I can't believe that I feel like I am doing MORE in a 16hr. semester than I did in last semester's 18hr.s!!! WHAT? Doesn't make since. I have a scheduling predicament, too. I have two science classes left to take in my general ed. requirements. I was planning on taking Physics 101 (I know!! sounds DAUNTING but EVERYONE says this one prof--who I was going to take--is fabuloso!) The problem: Art's "professional practices" class overlaps that one by an hour. Now, its not required of me to take it, although I would be using it as an elective (of which I still need two). It would also be EXTREMELY smart of me to take this class... it is pretty much the business side of being an artist. It is offered once a school year and NOT in the summer.... wait... what am I saying? Of COURSE I should take it. GOSH. I think I was just SO set on taking a science this semester that I lost sight of how important this class is for me. I don't know much about the business side of art. I signed up for both classes so that I wouldn't loose the one I wanted, so now if you will please hold while I go drop Physics (IF ONLY I COULD TAKE THEM BOTH!!).

Ok, scratch that. Too many people are logged on to "MySFA" and I can't get on. We have such an outdated system! Then again, I think thats the case for many schools. Alright, so this means that I will now have some extra time freed up for more classes! Hmm. Should I take sculpture!? I dont need it though. Minus those two sciences, I am taking/have taken all that I need to graduate! Hmmm... If only I could log on. Please Hold...

Nope... still busy. I would LOVE to take Book Arts... I don't know what time it's at though! I can't log the DANG in!
Moving on to more pleasant things...
In my pinhole photography class, we made 4X5 pin hole cameras! These are made out of wood. VERY STURDY! I would take a picture of it, but the camera on my comp has suddenly decided to stop working. It says it is being used by another application (BIG BROTHER! ARE YOU SPYING ON MEEE??!). Let me just show you a NORMAL 4X5 camera:



Ladies and gentlemen, that camera is SO HEAVY to carry! It comes in this HUGE metal case (that adds to the weight) and they have to have STURGY tripods, or the camera will fall over. It is a very slow process as well. The film you buy comes in 4X5in. (hence the name: 4X5 camera, or, large format photography) SHEETS! NOT on a roll. Keep in mind, you cant take the film out, or it will expose (duh!). THIS is what you use to hold the film:



...it is pretty much a light safe container. You slip your film in one side, then the other side (in a dark room--with no safe lights) and then you can come out with your film safely loaded in its film holder. If you have several of these film holders, it helps.. that way you can take more than two shots. With such a big camera, its TOTALLY worth taking more with you!! Once on location (what you want to take a pic of) you slip the film holder into the back of the camera, lift up a slide that is covering the film, wait for it to expose, and then push the slide back down to cover the film. Now rinse and repeat on the other side. BOOM you have TWO pictures now! Congrats!! Ok, so what WE did was make a box out of wood with a place where you can pop in the 4X5 film holder, added a pinhole, and WALA! You now have a 4X5 pinhole camera (with a few more camera construction details added, but not much). Cool! As far as my two little green cameras go (for the 3d pics), well... you get what you pay for, honestly. The lens and viewfinder (the thing you look through) on at least ONE of the cameras (I haven't tested the other yet) are miss-aligned. I THINK I am taking a photo of ONE thing, but it ends up being a photo of whatever was to the bottom and right. Dang. That sucks. I haven't had much luck with THIS project. I think I will go buy a few disposable cameras, take some shots on those, and continue testing out these cameras. I can still send them back (I did put my name on them though. You think thats bad??)

One more thing before I have to go... Yesterday I drove to Lufkin (with Sienna! That was a fun little trip!!) to get my 120 film developed (its larger than your average 35mm film, so you have to have a special machine process it). I have negative film (the kind you are used to seeing) and positive film (the kind you ARENT used to seeing, it records the picture JUST as your eye sees it... not inversely (man! Impressive word). Getting that film developed (I didn't realize) is different even from getting the regular 120mm developed! They could only process the negative 120mm. DANG IT! I am SUPER EXCITED to scan them, though. The shots look REALLY COOL from what I can tell. YAY! I need to post some more pics of that little project right there. I shall, I swear!!

OK, time to leave for class. More later...

3D pic

click the thumbnail... cross your eyes like a magic 3-D picture... and BOOM! you see three pictures... the one in the middle is 3D!!

War Dance

...a documentary recently released.



go watch the movie and be informed.

Latex? mmmm, no thanks.

Ok, I am about to share a story with you, but don't freak out, because I AM OK! I am typing this! Proof of my alive-ness... I tell you not so you can freak out, but see the power of God :).

Two nights ago, I was working on a project for one of my art classes. I had been working on it for about a week and discovered that i had a tendency to super glue myself to... myself, or the wood I was working with. I decided I should buy some latex gloves to prevent this! Well, Saturday night, it was about three in the morning and I was still workin' on this dang project! Gloves and all... I started to notice that I wasn't breathing as much as I probably should have been. "Hmm... Im focusing too much on the project! Silly Becky! BREATHE!" Then came the asthma... "Thats strange. Oh well... just don't forget to breathe!" Then I began to get extremely light-headed and dizzy. "What? Did I have too much caffeine with this stimulant I am taking? I feel like I'm going to throw up... This is so sudden! My heart feels strange. Weird. I should just put my head lower than my knees, like they say to..." So, I did. I then realized I was swaying back and forth on the stool I was sitting on... "Ok, maybe I should move to the floor, on my knees with my head on the ground... thats gotta be safer. What the heck is going on? ohhh, this doesnt feel right." **on the floor** "Hmm... why does it feel like my heart is slowing down? Hmm..." "OH MY GOSH I have GOT to get these gloves off! They feel suffocating!!" **gloves thrown aside** "Why can't I feel my hands?? They are swollen... oh, so is my face. MAN! WAY too much caffeine? Breathe, Becky... Breathe!" **wheeze wheeze** "Oh, man even sitting like this, I cant seem to hold myself up... I've got to get to the couch and lay down!" **slowly, wabaly, crawls to the couch and gathers the strength to get up on it** "Ohhh.. yessss... laying down. Don't stress, you will just get more asthma. Just relax... stop being silly. Man, am I allergic to something? What's causing this? Just close your eyes... totally relax" **relaxes tension in muscles** "OH no, that wasn't right!!!! That felt like I was giving up, like I was about to die or something! Maybe I should stay awake..." **sudden urge to go wash hands** "Maybe I should wake Christi up... no, too far... just get up, nice and slow..." **sits up... room spins/comes in and out of focus** "Ok, just stand up real carefully... stick out your arms for balance... yes... thats it... now the next foot..." ... "ahhhh, feels nice to wash my hands. I bet fresh air would help." **cautiously walks to balcony while holding onto walls for dear life, opens door, sits on the chair, breathes in the cool air** "Man, I feel like my asthma is getting worse. Jesus? I don't feel very good. I don't really know whats up **puts hand on chest** could you help me out a little bit? Even if just my asthma is gone, I think that would really help..." **asthma gone** "Man, thanks, Jesus. That feels better, I will just sit out here for a little while, I know you've got my back now." A few minutes later I was feeling MUCH better. I even walked inside... slowly... but without any help from the walls and put on a movie to distract me (stress gives me asthma) next thing I know, the only symptom left is that I am still a little bit light headed but nothing like before! The feeling was coming back in my hands, too. by this time, I was about a third of the way through the movie and since I felt almost totally better, I decided to go to sleep finally.

A person who is highly allergic to latex can also have a life-threatening allergic reaction, called anaphylactic shock. Symptoms include:
Difficulty breathing
Dizziness
Confusion
Wheezing
Nausea
Vomiting
Rapid or weak pulse
Loss of consciousness
Someone having an anaphylactic reaction needs immediate medical attention. Anaphylaxis (or anaphylactic shock) is a life-threatening type of allergic reaction.

Number count of times that Jesus has now saved my life: 2.

...I think I am allergic to latex.

DIY

I have been working on that camera I was talking about... still dont know if it will work because this is my first try and im not all that knowledgeable about wires and junk. but while i was waiting for the glue to dry (instead of solder) I was surfing you tube for DIY stuff. I came across a cool chanel... one of the things he shows you how to make is a RING our of a half dollar piece! SO COOL! I dont have a dremel, but hope to make a ring similar to this someday! I have posted the ring how to below. The host is real cheesy, he made me laugh a lot... lol:




if you are interested, this is pretty much what I am attempting to do with the camera (times two). I have a few different ideas that i am using instead of some of the stuff this guy talks about. I also stop listening when he starts talking about software. lol, i cant understand the way he describes it, there are much easier instructions online!

Senioritis

Um. I have decided that I am ready to get OUT of here! Graddddduuuuaaaaattttiiiioooonnnn! COME TO ME! Just have to finish this semester.... then the next one and one summer session. **shudders** I have to take science next semester. Crap. I've put it off until the last moments (can you tell?). My high school didn't exactly do well in educating us in the science area. Let me tell you a few things I picked up from my years in science at HCCSA: from my biology teacher: 1) The umbilical cord is connected to the mothers belly button. 2) If white people stay in a deserty area long enough/are exposed to the sun for long enough, they will eventually become black. (interestingly enough, since my parents have moved to the desert, they have started showing signs of changing race.) From my chemistry class: Cheating is quite alright as long as it is done by EVERYONE in the class and right in front of the teachers face because he is just SO clueless that he doesn't know what is going on. Yes, community testing is the way to go. I. Learned. Nothing. OH and we can't forget that having three different teachers in one school year is quite advantageous to the learning process! Needless to say, I'm quite frightened about taking this science class (and one more in the summer time). I can guarantee, though, that there will be no cheating involved this time around. Cheating SUCKS. Although, to be quite honest, it did NOT feel like cheating (and only years later did I see it as such) at the time because the teacher was literally RIGHT THERE and sometimes even helped us get the right answers. Weird? Yes. No excuses, though, and I am still ashamed I participated.

On to the next topic... I will be attempting to build a digital, 3-D, pinhole camera. Well, more like modify the disposable digital cameras that walgreens graces us with and making them disposable no longer (well, they will still be cheap, but i will make it so that I can download the pictures straight to my computer and not have to go back to walgreens). mmmhhhmmm. I'm the bomb. OK, not really. Someone else is for coming up with this. And technically, I will be doing none of the wiring since I dont know how. dang. There are professors for that, though :). I'm PRETTY excited!!!! Yay!!

I can't believe that I am still in nac this weekend! It has been a WHILE! I wont lie... its really nice not to have to drive for years and years and years to get to Austin, and then not being able to work on any school projects. Brittany is in town, though and I am sad I don't get to see her. I am no machine, though, I just can't handle going back AGAIN.

OH MY GOSH the cats are driving me crazy! It's times like this when I think that I really wouldn't mind giving one away. Sorry, kitties, but yall are just going a little bonkers and I don't have time for it!!!

Big Day

School didn't seem like it lasted all that long today. Maybe it was because it was my "short" day and we got out like 30 minutes early from my last class- in which we had a critique. I was up at the lab all the night before printing and printing and PRINTING for this crit! It took for stinkin' EVER! The prints were pretty large, you see. They were those pinholes (and some new ones, oh and dont worry, my "signature" wasn't printed on them!) on my art blog. Go check them out, no? Anywho, I printed them at around 17in x 22in. Yeah. Big. Then, tonight I went back. I had to re-scan some film (for about the millionth time) which took about an hour JUST for 4 film strips, edited them for color correction and dust removal, and proceeded to make one print to have something to show my prof tomorrow morning. Guess how big THAT print was!! The image itself was 14 inches tall by FOURTY FOUR INCHES LONG! HOLY SMOKES!! Thats nearly two feet long. Yeah. Thats the biggest print I have ever made. I was pretty pumped... although, not too pumped that it took an HOUR to print. Yes. You read that right... an hour.


















(no worries, there is more detail in there than you can see with this crappy picture... OF the picture. I just wanted to show its size!!)

Somehow, In between all this big-print-madness, I managed to find time to go to walmart. Wow. I have some food now. I have cat litter now. Its amazing what going to the store can do for you. GUESS WHAT ELSE!!! I DID MY LAUNDRY!! Dang. You don't know how HUGE this is. I have had ZERO time to do it this semester. I have literally only done my laundry ONCE. I have learned that I have a lot more t-shirts than I thought I had... anyways, It ended up being three loads. Yeah. Thats one BIG load of laundry.

Ok, stinkin' bed time! Lots done today... must...... get......... REST!

A New Record...

...13 hours straight in the art building. 

sigh.

Well THAT was easy!!

Hey, blog. Thanks to everyone who prayed for me. My heart truly does feel better and my mind more clear. So, thanks... your prayers helped me :)

Last night it was still hurting. The verse, "...weeping may remain for the night, but joy comes in the morning" was resounding in my head. I heard it several times over the weekend, weather it was written to me, told to me, or sung to me... it was like 5 or 6 times. Well, it was for last night. God's reassurance. And what do you know? Joy DID come in the morning. I was EXCITED for the morning to come. I kept waking up in the middle of the night thinking, "is it morning yet?? Is it time yet??" Christi and I went to church at True Life Fellowship this morning. There was a guest speaker. He spoke of not only living your life for Jesus, but DEMONSTRATING His love and His power. He said as Christians we are called to live a life walking around with signs and wanders- DEMONSTRATING God's power. The power He gives to every Christian. YES! I was excited. He went on to tell us many many stories of times when God healed people through him. He was almost laughing because he said that he was/is no one special... he simply prays in faith. He requests God to heal, and most times... He does. Later He opened it up for questions. Someone asked what happens when you pray for a persons healing, but they are not healed. Gosh, its such a simple answer... God obviously has allowed this sickness or trouble in their life so that they will learn from it. Not everyone is healed, but that is NOT up to us to decide. We simply step up and step out in faith. We pray. We ask. We know God's power, and so we call upon it.

I was pretty astounded. *new revelation* ... again. I just have to ask Him. It's God who heals or doesn't heal. All I do is ask...WHEW! THAT takes a whole lot of pressure off. After the service, I wanted Christi to pray for me... my brain... my neck (its been hurting lately and my shoulders)... my blood... my heart. She was like, "But you should ask him to pray for you!" mmm... nah... "You know my history better than he does." *nervous look on her face* "Ok." So, she did. When she was done praying for me, I cautiously reached up to the back of my skull to feel ... still no skull... hmmm. But my shoulders... my neck... they are all tingly and warm... and dont hurt anymore! "Thanks for the Jesus massage, Chris!!!" but why... why am I still missing my skull? I suggested that we both go to the speaker and have him pray for us too and see what he says. I explained a little of my history to him... a little teary... "I just want people to see Jesus' power through my skull!" The man looks at me and said something I didn't expect. He said that the Lord didn't want to use me like that.

"But I want to be used!!!"

"Oh, you will be. Not like this, though. He doesn't want to use you."

He takes my hands... "There is something in your hands. Use your HANDS for Him. Go and pray for people and for their healing. Satan is using your brain as a distraction. Put it behind you and look forward."

...it made so much since, you guys. I have been healed from headaches before, back aches... all kinds of aches. I HAVE been healed before... just not in the way I thought I should have been. Some of the prayers were even my own... I HAVE healed someone before through my hands... through God's power in my hands... MYSELF. I was given the brain thing to learn... to grow, and grow I did, but that is another story... this one is still not over with.

Christi and I decided that we needed to eat. Ha, so we go to Mesa Rosa on 35. Here comes our waiter... young... seems nice. Wait, what is that on his hand? No... can't be.. aaahaha, no way! Its an ace bandage. He leaves with our drink order... "Christi. Did you see his hand?"

"No..."

"There was an ace bandage wrapped around it...." **laughs** "I don't think this is a coincidence, because really?? REALLY?? We have to pray for him." YES! I was excited! I couldn't stay still.

We laugh... God is just too funny sometimes. For real. He comes back, and I do a little research. I asked what happened to his hand. He said he was just rough-housing and someone fell on it, but that it sucks because he cant carry any trays out with it... someone always has to do it for him. He also says it is swollen.

Muwwaaahahaha... tricky tricky.

We finish eating, pay the bill, and he starts to walk off. "Wait! Sir?" (HAHA nice try satan. You aren't gunna phase me by making him try to leave.)

"Yes??"

"Could I pray for your hand?"

"Oh!" *Big smile* "Yeah, sure!"

...so I do. In the middle of Mesa Rosa, Christi and I stand next to our waiter, put our hands on him, and simply ask God for healing. It was no huge or ornate or fancy prayer... just a request. I asked him how it felt when we finished. He wiggled it around a little and said, "better." He smiled and thanked us a whole, whole lot. Now, I don't know if he just said it felt better because he felt like he should, or what. I have NO doubt, though, that if not at that moment, then as the day wore on that it DID get better and the swelling DID go down. I just know, and I love, love, LOVE that I know.

Ha... dang, God. Why do we think everything is so complicated? All we have to do is ask.

Prayer request

Would you pray for my heart? It's distracted and a little confused about something right now. In the grand scheme of things... its probably not that big of a deal. In my little world right now, though... its taking over. I only want to be taken over by the Lord... nothing else. Pray for my thoughts too... that satan will leave them be, that the Lord and HIS army will protect my heart and my mind. That they will be a constant shield around me until this stage in my life is over with.

...thanks.

i apologize...

for my last blog. it was pretty in your face, and until now, i didnt think there was anything wrong with that. it IS politics, is it not? however, after reading what my friend, paul, thought about it (not the bible paul... the one in my photo class. haha) i now feel i should say i am sorry for my reaction to the whole debate. you should really go check out his thoughts in his post titled, "In a Nutshell" 

i still stand by my right not to vote. i really do not believe in either candidate or that one is better than the other.
sorry guys! (for the abrasive post below)

Vote??? HECK no!!

I have almost always had strong feelings about our voting process. I don't see much of a point to voting when the electoral college and THEIR vote is REALLY the only thing that matters. They make the decision FOR us. It seems like (for the presidential races I have been aware of) that the popular vote is always different than who ACTUALLY wins the presidency. So, I ask, what is the point? Our vote means nothing. We say we are a free country and live in a democracy... really?? Are we?? Do we?? I don't think so. All this aside, lets say that I did feel the need to vote... to be a "patriotic" citizen. WHO would I vote for? They are both ridiculous. Just to mention a few things... Obama is a smooth talking liar who wants to skip all the messy details and just pull out of Iraq, McCain wants to spend MORE money (not to mention the fact that hes going to die soon because he is so old) and buy up bad loans to help with housing (WHAT? Are you that stupid, old man? WE ARE 10 TRILLION DOLLARS IN DEBT! BUYING MORE STUFF IS NOT GOING TO HELP ANYTHING)... there is not a good choice.

Where is this coming from?? I just watched the debate. I was yelling at them both, and then got so frustrated I just turned it off. WHAT is going to happen to America? Maybe we should all move to Europe.

Future determined?

Alright, so here is the latest.... I have yet to e-mail the dude I said I was going to, but I will still relate to yall whats up. I went to church last sunday morning and the pastor rightly pointed out that you can still be a "person of faith" but be wise about it too... like saving up for jesus trips and stuff. Yes, you should DEFINITELY rely on Him to fund your trip, but you can save up money responsibly. I mean, I did do that when trying to raise funds for India... I sold my art work and what not... but I don't know, I just never really thought about it like that. So that REALLY made me think and realize that I should just work for a few years when I graduate... save up as much money as I can... and THEN go to grad school. I have a really great feeling about this and am like 97.867% sure that this is what I am supposed to do. WHEW sigh of relief. FINALLY... I know what I am supposed to do. I really feel called to RISD (rhode island school of design) but was still iffy about when... so now I know. SAVE SAVE SAVE! Where I will live (in austin, hopefully) is yet to be determined. Im not too worried about that, though. God has ALWAYS provided.

Every Monday, some friends and I get together around 7 at the local coffee shop here. We just share whats going on in our lives... struggles... successes... you know. We got to talking about the spiritual realm- it has been on my mind a whole lot, especially since india and encountering (over a period of two days) about nine demons. I was saying just how much I have realized WHAT a war it truly is for Christians. In the Bible it talks about the "things seen and unseen" and also talks and warns about the spiritual world. I think that Christians, for the most part, are told to simply avoid it- however, I also think that is generally misunderstood and taken too far. Yes, I DO NOT think that we should "call upon the spirit world" by means of seonces or things of that nature. YES I believe that tarot cards are evil and "psychics" (ESPECIALLY FOR PAY) should be avoided. Sadly, though, I think we mostly try to avoid even THINKING about the things that are unseen and therefore are pretty unprepared and unaware of what spiritual attacks ARE. For example, what REALLY IS in this room with me right now? No other physical person is... but what else is there in here? I was watching something on scytzophrenia the other day and this guy was saying that people (who we don't see, but he does) talk to him and birds talk to him and all this kind of thing. He also suffers from SEVERE depression sometimes. To me, this sounds demonic. Not to say that there are not chemical imbalances that DO exist in the physical brain. But his situation seemed completely demonic and doctors try to find scientific solutions and give people with scytzophrenia loads of drugs that pretty much turn them into zombies instead of addressing the spiritual aspect of the situation. Now, I'm no genius and dont know if there is actual physical proof of something going on in the mind to say a person is scytzophrenic... this is just me thinking. Honestly, though... whos to say that those birds WERENT talking to him? Satan definitely has that kind of power, unfortunately. The guy also said he lived in a constant state of fear. This also a sign (to me... thats what I experienced when the demons were with me) of demonic presence. That said, again I say... what else is in this room here with me? the Lord gives me the power to command demonic spirits away, but its definitely a constant war- an unseen war which makes it that much harder. Strangely enough (although I don't think it was just a coincidence) this morning in my first class, the FIRST slide that was talked about was a painting of a man being attacked by demons. I IMMEDIATELY got a headache. I was trying to think of the cause... its not a caffeine headache, no one has pushed on the back of my head, I'm not hungry... hmm... demons? Satan? It made since... so I called out to my Lord in my mind... "Jesus" is all I had to say and instantly I was freed from my headache. When I called upon His name, I also consciously called upon His power and the power He has given me... boom. No more headache. The rest of the day, my hands and arms have been tingly and warm like they get when I know the Lord is near (another story for another day) and yet they remain cool to the touch. Hmm. Interesting. Perhaps a mental break through happened today... in my art history class. Very interesting.

Wow...

Gosh, i am so blessed. i have no idea where i will be this time next year (more on that later), but im still (for the most part, haha) peaceful, joyful, excited... BLESSED! the friends in my life are just all so wonderful... michael, christi, audra, brittany, ash, rand, camlin, lynn, teysha, whitney, jane, jelly, brittany sherwood... i am just so blessed its almost overwhelming. each of them bring something different to my life... they are all so beautiful and play such a perfect role in my life. Jesus is TOTALLY responsible. my family too, gosh i love them incredibly too. i know they would do anything for me, and i for them. i think so often, "WHAT would i do without Jesus??" my answer always a resounding, "I have NO idea. I wouldn't make it." this probably sounds really silly, but i think about each of them and just feel like crying (sometimes do!) because each individual makes me so happy... they are all in my life for divine reasons. they all build me up.

i was going to elaborate on something i think i have heard from the Lord as far as my future after graduation goes, but i think i might wait. i want to get some advice from a very Godly man and woman first (i know who they are, haha, im not just HOPING they will come out of thin air). I think I will know then. its so close, i can feel it :). peace out you guys, be blessed!!!

How exciting??

Today, for some reason, I was reminded (not by a person) to look for mission opportunities for like a years length or so. I went automatically to the International Mission board. I have been disappointed before by this organization, but MAN was I EVER disappointed again?! There are very few opportunities for "creative arts" (what they call it) and even less for photography specifically. Guess what? They mostly called for a male or a couple. You also HAVE to be baptist. I don't consider myself baptist anymore, but even when I still thought of myself as being associated with that denomination I was turned off by this rule. Truly, it bothered me. I won't even get started on how many more opportunities they had for men as opposed to women. Oh, but if you are a "couple" wifey gets to tag along. Baptists definitely seem to diminish the role of women in the church and ministries and it was VERY apparent on their list of needs. Irritated, I went to google. I came across SIM (Serving In Mission). It rang a bell... I'd heard of it before. I clicked on the link. First thing, I went to the link "what we believe." Yes- very important. I agreed with what they laid out. Then I went to the "go serve" page.... "hmmm... lets see... Missions by your Career... yes. That looks good." click. "Media and Arts.... yessss! ...much better than "creative arts" blah." click. "hmm... looking down the list... "photography and videography.... YESSSSS! IT HAS ITS OWN CATEGORY!!" click. The site then prompts you to give your information and they will contact you. My information has been given.

I feel extremely excited/hopeful about this. I still think I am called to grad school (I think) but I continue to get an uneasy feeling about going just yet. Then I think about moving back to ATX when I graduate... uneasy feeling. Arizona? Uneasy feeling... Missions? Wait a second... that sounds exciting!
Is this what you want for me, Jesus?

**something else I just found:

Beauty

When I was in 11th grade, my sister had a "prophetic presbytery" at church of the hills because she was graduating and thats just what they do when the seniors graduate. They then open it up to the crowd... the men who spoke over the seniors give "words" to audience members when they feel God prodding them to. I know some people don't believe in this, and in fact I question all the hype that this church puts on it sometimes... but one of the men spoke to me and I DO believe what he said to me was heaven sent. I will never forget what he said... He told me that he knew that I didn't see my own beauty and that until I did, my heart would be missing out on what God has for me. He told me that once I realized and embraced the beauty within myself and my outer beauty as well, that THEN I would be the warrior for God that I wanted to be and that He has called me to be. At the time, I didn't know what "realizing my beauty" looked like. It sounded pretty selfish/arrogant to me and all I wanted to do was sit the HECK back down so no one else would see my blood-red, blushing face!! Ohhhhhh, being the center of attention has never been very fun for me! He was right though... I didn't see myself as beautiful. Five years later, I am starting to understand what that man was talking about. God has been revealing to me why He loves me, what He thinks is special about me, and now when someone says, "God is captivated by you," I understand what they are talking about... He ADORES us... we are His grandest creations in all the earth! He thinks that we are EACH beautiful. That is now something that I can wrap my mind around... He finds me beautiful. Wow. My most heavenly and holy Lord finds me beautiful. This knowledge changes my heart... it softens towards others because I know that he finds them JUST as beautiful and I can then see their beauty now even better. It also breaks my heart. There are SO many women out there who still don't see their beauty and too many find their worth in beauty alone... outer beauty. I have been thinking about this lately because of a book I am reading. They emphasize how important it is to see your own beauty. They also point out that once you can see it, you fall even deeper in love with God. Something else they said that stood out to me was that they say that you cannot truly love another (a man especially) until you are in love with God. I couldn't agree more. I believe that this is why God has made me wait for a relationship with a guy for so long. Twenty-one years, people! Constantly being frustrated like NO other when I got a "crush" and God was like, "No. Wait."
"DANG IT! WHHHYYYYYY GOD???"
Now I know. What a gracious God. What a loving Father I have! He was sparing my heart until I fell for HIM first. Gosh, I just know without a SHADOW of a doubt that this is why He had me wait. I am so blessed to have been able to fall in love with my Jesus before I fell in love with anyone else.
"Now." God is telling me. "Now, you are ready."

change

things have changed a little since my last post. lots of stuff has been going on in my life, some pretty hard to explain if you aren't a believer. I definitely felt like an empty well, though. there is only so much water you can give out without having a thirst-quenching rain to fill you up again. i was also feeling very home-sick... which is super strange. i cant ever really remember being home-sick except those first few months of my freshman year... not homesick like this at least. seriously, strange. i had to get out of a few things... one being the job i was at- there are just some things that you shouldn't be around- they aren't good for you. those things were at work. the second being nacogdoches. satan has not been pleased with me lately... which pleases me greatly! but somehow he got the upperhand on his many attacks. i was given the opprotunity to go with christi to arizona until Monday. i am glad i chose to take it. the drive here was a refreshing time of reflection and hearing from the Lord. He is always good to me. He knows when and what i need, and He provided it for me this weekend... already! the weekend has just barely begun and i feel like i have taken a big breath of fresh air- like my well is getting fuller. like Christi, although out situations are different, Jesus is refining me, and its exciting. What is next? i don't know. oh, but i know it will be wonderful. the wait will be worth it. i am so excited! this summer, Jesus told me that something big was coming for me (in a good way). i can see it on the horizon... the sun is rising, but not risen yet... i want it to rise! i want to run into its warmth... but its not time yet. and so, i will patiently and expectantly wait for the light of that day.

here I am, Jesus. I'll wait.

Shlothasdflhdjslsky's

I got a job. Actually, My friend, Camlin, got me a job. Her boss asked her if she knew anyone looking for a one and Camlin said me! So the NEXT day after I talk to the boss, I find my self working up at Schlotzsky's. Lets just say that even working with my friend, I didn't have too much fun that first night. I wasn't really looking forward to working today either- especially since Camlin wasnt going to be there! But for some reason, day two went SO much better. I really can't pinpoint why except that maybe its because I am not PMSing anymore (sorry if you didnt care to know that). That, and perhaps I prayed a lot more about it- I really don't know if I did or not, though. Apparently today was even ridiculously busy. I'm sure I frustrated the crap outta everyone multiple times bc I screwed something up, but everyone was super nice to me and really helpful. I actually kinda had fun... what? Is that ok to say about work??? Oh well. I am really excited that My lovely friends Lynn and Teysha start next week too :)!!!! That will rock. For real. I work again tomorrow with many of the same people. I am not dreading it anymore.

I've been editing more India pictures. I dont know if you have seen them or not.




















Go check them out: http://beckyart.blogspot.com

So there is an art opening tonight that I want to go to but don't really want to go to. I want to go to see all the photos... its a Photography opening. I don't want to go because I have to get really dressed up because "important people" will be there. Boo. My guess is that I will stay here. I am so involved in the art community.

Alright, its SO nap time. Then I suppose I should get going on some homework. DANG... art homework is just SO rough... jk ;-)

seriously?

thats just insane. i think my mouth dropped and my hands went to cover it a few times... you?

All is still well

I am happy to report that I am still feeling quite energetic. My mind is working faster now too. A little too fast sometimes and I have to learn to slow it back down, or it goes to fast for my words and I make no since. ha... I feel like I am having to learn how to live in a new, better, faster, way. I have always struggled to some extent with being too sarcastic and blunt and just saying what I think. It comes even quicker and easier now. I have am having to learn to reign it in again. It's strange, but a challenge. I always like challenges. I had started to notice too, that my cheeks were always warm, I always wanted water, and was never very hungry. Last night I decided to do some research. Among other things (not bad, or at least I haven't experienced them), it appears I am simply getting some side effects of the medicine: raised temperature, "dry mouth", and a loss of appetite. I have already lost 9 lbs. um. It's been three days. REALLY? Thats all? Dang. I'm sorry, but I don't care. I have energy. I could stand to lose some weight anyways. I just have to remind myself to eat... which is strange, because I normally love to eat! lol. That reminds me, I need to go to Wal-mart. Gross. Now that I think about "side effects" and stuff like that, medicine is really weird. I seriously have no clue how it works other than it gets into your blood stream... wait... right? See! No idea. Those doctors/pharmacists/scientists are so stinkin' smart. How do you even begin to understand stuff like that? Or discover it?? Goodness. All I know is I am thankful, weird as medicine is, it can be such a blessing too. I am so sad that people misuse it so often. Since what she prescribed me is a stimulant, every time I run out, I have to go back to the dr.s office (not an appointment, I think. just drive up there) and get a hand written prescription from her. There is a lot of "red tape" because so many people misuse this kind of thing on the "Street." I can also easily get kind of irritated at those who do misuse it because I start to think things like, "they don't know what it is to be truly tired." But thats just silly of me. I shouldn't get angry at people who are obviously lost and confused.

Well, I'm off to do some research on some artists for class. Peace and blessings.

so THATS what it feels like??

hey blog,
I think a miracle has happened. for real. a while ago i talked to my doctor about the lack of energy that i have. she therefore prescribed me some diet medicine that has a side effect of energy. hmmm... interesting. well, it didnt work. i thought it might not. not just THAT medicine, but my hopes for a magical energy pill (as my necessary 13 hours of sleep has proved impossible to get in this thing i like to call college.) i tried, SO hard to sleep that much, i REALLY did. but i always ended up with a caffeine addiction... a BAD one at that AND it didnt even end up helping that much so i would drink MORE caffeine and it would just end up making me feel strange physically (probably because no human being should consume that much caffeine. ever.) SO day before yesterday i go back to the doctor to get some more shots that i had left over from India. i mentioned the energy meds still hopelessly searching for SOMETHING to help me stay conscious during the day and not FALL into bed at 10:30 and DRAG myself up at 8am. i. was. miserable. so she prescribed me something else. i took the prescription with only a faint hope, yet again, but still a little hope that it might help a little... ANYTHING... seriously! the next morning, i took one pill, like a good little girl. 15 minutes later i felt ALIVE. 45 minutes later i was HYPER (i think it may take some getting used to haha) but i COULDNT BELIEVE IT! I didnt even have that sleepy feeling behind my eyes! I kept blinking and blinking and.... nope... still not there! I WANTED TO CRY! I STILL DO!

SO THIS IS WHAT ENERGY FEELS LIKE?!?? (or maybe a little bit of a false representation, but STILL! I LOVE IT!)

I literally have more time in my day now. I am UP at 8:54 right now, CONSCIOUSLY writing a blog. WHAT? REALLY? oh my gosh. my life is already changing. i seriously might start crying. what an answered prayer. i just can't believe it.
wow.

Ike and such

Well GEEZ Ike! Calm down, will ya?? It appears that most of Nacogdoches is out of power and will remain that way for a week or two. Awesome. I wonder if we will have school on Monday. I wonder more if I will be able to MAKE it to school... I hear lots of trees are down (I am in Austin). Last time for Katrina there was only one tree I came across that was over the road and I was able to pass it. Ike came just a wee bit closer. Dang. I hate to see so much devastation to the state I love.

In other news, I am excited to get my 120 slide film processed today. I hope that SOMETHING/anything turns out. I was QUITE experimental last night. I really hope for the best... it was night time and with no meeter on the little buggar, its hard to tell what kind of exposure time is needed. I am really excited about this new take on photography I seem to have. Lately life has just been so joyous for me. When I am so happy and blessed, I am normally full of energy and moving around. I want this to come through in my pictures- at least the motion part. My sister keeps saying, "WHY are you taking long exposures? WHY are you doing multiple exposures? WHY are you moving around so much??" Well, honestly, when I take pictures, I get happy giddy which means I move around a lot. I want my pictures to have ENERGY and I feel like multiple exposures do that a lot of times. They tend to be more interesting to me as well because you have to really look at them to SEE what you are looking at. its not just laid out FOR you. Finally, life is full of MOVEMENT! so, I want my subjects to be moving and for me to be moving as well. The long exposures are excellent at recording MY movement behind the camera AND the subjects movement. So there you have it. I think i just voluntarily wrote an informal artists statement. weird.

peace out, and prayers for those that were/are in Ikes path.

what? i am liking my drawing class??

for your viewing pleasure:



man. i feel like my last two drawing classes have been extremely rewarding. i generally start off butchering what she has just taught us... then when she comes around, im like, "HEY YOU! come teach me!!!" jk. i don't really say that, but she does come teach me, and i end up with a much better drawing than what i had before. in fact, at the end of class today, the model even wanted my drawing of her face. yep. that was fun! and then the guy who i think is the best in the class came over, squatted next to where i was sitting, tapped me on the shoulder and said, "This is very good!" then he POPPED up and ran away. quite literally. hes a classic case for your "eccentric artist." very strange, but i think he is super cool. he even has CRAZY curly hair to go along with it! OH YEAH i just remembered. when the prof was teaching me (that sounds funny) she started talking about the models lips and how to draw them. then she looked at me to make sure i understood and she said my lips were the same beautiful, full shape and to pay attention to the "larger shapes" when i'm drawing- and the same with my eyes... they are a "nice almond shape... you're very lucky!!" haha... thanks teach!! anyways... gotta go study for a quiz. PEACE!

p.s. there is something in my trash can that smells really special.
it should also be noted that i got curtains, a shower curtain, and some matching towels today... the apt is REALLY coming together! COME SEE ME! :) OH and i definitely ROCKED the kurta today (that is, I wore my indian shirt)!! I was ballin.

never gets old

hearing stuff like this from your fellow art student friends:

him: "rebecca, rabb. you are one of my favorite art people."

me: "AW! thanks matthew! you are one of my favorites too!"

him: "hmm, you have bad taste."

haha that last part makes me laugh, that first part just makes my heart smile!!

yearbook

christi brought something fabulously funny to my attention:









Gustav wasn't all he was cracked up to be. its just been misty and super cloudy around these parts. blast.

GUSTAV!

Gustav is almost upon us. Check it out:


yes. that is a hurricane. yes. my school is in nacogdoches. yes. i still have class tomorrow.
the winds are a blowin'... we will see what happens.

it is complete.

the wall, that is. i dont think the pictures do a very good job of showing you the wall, but alas, i will show you anyways!


here it is from the door:


from the door again, different orientation:


now i'm on the floor so you can see the ceiling:




all the "accent" greens are the same color. weird, huh? they look different because of the way the light shines on them. well, there ya have it folks!

paint.

ohhhh man! i have been painting for a long time now. painting my apartment, that is! just one wall too! well, kind of. i'm sure you will soon see what i mean. i have always wanted to paint my room or apartment but never have been able to until now. yay! there have been several attempts at colors/schemes and issues with my being a perfectionist and all... its taken all day for another reason: sometimes i have to just sit and stare at the wall and wait for it to come to me. sometimes that takes a while, but when it does i get excited and burst of energy come forth...

things i have learned:
•cats like to play under paint tarps
•paint WILL drip no matter how careful you are.
•don't wear your favorite tank top while painting (or glasses)
•painters tape must be firmly pressed into place other wise it will NOT make a nice neat line, it will seep past the tape.

anywho, better go get my laundry now. its been down there for a while.
...a sidenote... Gustav is coming... apparently it will reek havoc over here. school might be canceled.

sweet

my days have been pretty busy again, lately. monday and wednesday, i have school until five and before i know it, after i have run my errands or done homework, its time for bed. tuesday and thursday i get done at two. PRAISE THE LORD!!! i do get a little "me" time on these days if i make myself. i swear i am so easily distracted. i will start cleaning or think of something that needs to be done and before i know it?? my day is over and i think, "there needs to be more time in the day!!!" today after crave (BSM large group gathering/worship time) i came back to my apartment and did my reflex reaction: computer. but when i sat down, i found that i didnt want to go to facebook, or check my e-mail or anything else. i didnt want to watch a movie or will and grace either. i didnt want to read or play the guitar, i just wanted to sit and enjoy the fact that my mind didnt HAVE to do ANYTHING! i wanted to soak up the nothingness... the silence... the simplicity. i am really enjoying not having a tv/cable. seriously, it kinda makes me giddy. i watch will and grace on my computer sometimes, but i dont sit in front of the tv endlessly like i used to (sad but true). its sort of liberating. i ride my bike to class... its not far, but i like not using gas/my car and when it cools down just a bit i plan on riding to more places than just school. i like that i don't have to rely on my car, and it puts me in a good mood (endorphins, i think). i like having to wear shorts because its so hot and i bike to school. i like that i dont drink red bull anymore or coffee really (just a little) and am trying to chill out on the coke~a~cola. i also like that i fell asleep at 7:30 the other day and was perfectly ok with it because i know that if im going to try to make it without relying on caffeine, i am going to need those 13 hours...

OH em gee.

you know my friend Sienna? well, she does really cool abstract paintings. i have dabbled a little myself... so i decided we should have a painting day. ok, more like i decided she should paint me something after i saw some more of her stuff, and DUH shes not going to have all the fun! so, i painted too. i got her two canvas'. they are both about two feet by four feet. mine is like two by one. ok, so they are laying in my living room on a tarp to dry with the cats quarantined in my bedroom. later, i attempt to go into my bed room with some stuff in my hands and i guess i just wasnt quick enough. chester comes CHARGING across BOTH of siennas WET paintings an OFF ONTO THE CARPET. "CHESTERRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "NO STOP MOVING! MORE PAW PRINTS!!!" meanwhile harmless little itty is cowering under the love seat. she went AROUND the paintings like a smart little kitty. so finally, i grab chester and itty both. at this point i am unsure if itty has paint on her or not. either way we all three go into the bathroom. i try to pull my bedroom door shut on the way, but my hands are full of kitties. CHESTER of course puts a PAW on the door... leaving yet another painted paw print. of COURSE he FREAKS out when i try to wash of his paws and tries to kill me in order to get away. (sidenote: itty is piled on top of my sheets on my shelves above the toilet like a good little kitty.) eventually after pinning chester to the floor on top of my rug (so paint doesnt get anywhere ELSE... like on the SINK) i got all the paint off of him. i then gently pick up itty, investigate her paws, find no paint, and scurry to the living room thinking that NOTHING will take paint out of CARPET!!! i grab the best thing i can think of that i have: a rag and dish washing soap. i SCRUB and SCRUB and scrub! luckily, as far as i can tell, it has come out. WHAT are the chances? i mean really?? (the paint on the door and sink came off too.)

man... artist should never be allow to have apartments... or cats.

blah

oooooh back in nac. there are people outside being loud. beware you... i call the cops on loud people.

haha... oh well? i also couldnt get my parking sticker today either because i didnt have my proof of insurance. dang. guess i will be ridin' the bike to school... which is what i wanted to do, so really its not a big deal... just needed to get a sticker for rainy days and such. this apt. complex is right down the street from the art building, so thats pretty flipping convenient. i could even walk if i wanted to. its kinda a long walk, though.

things are becoming more and more unpacked, im not rushing though, when i do that i end up stressing myself out. boo on that. still some things that are MIA, though:

•hair dryer
•plates
•job...

sienna and i have re-dedicated ourselves to working out (as we do every semester, lol) so hopefully it will go as smoothly as it did freshman year... haha. i told her she needs to get a bike! they are soooo much fun! oh... awesome... itty is playing with a large bug. i hope she kills it. ...here comes chester...

sorry this was so dull... maybe i will post some pictures of the little apt when its all done. peace
(i miss my girls)

so i got two new cameras, have i mentioned that? i really should just go back and look. oh well. i pretty much love the one i have tried out so far. i have to order 120 film online for the other camera, though. wolf camera didn't even have it. they failed me. i posted the picks i have taken so far with the other one on my art blog. go check 'em out.

i go back to school soon. i havent started packing yet. hm. i should get on that.

last night i caught a fish. along with everyone else there: rand, audra, christi, craig. i was quite happy with myself. it was a lot of fun. i never really thought i would say that about fishing. maybe it was the company. we also played a new game... one i have never played before: scategories. craig killed us all as usual. punk. conclusion: i like trying new-ish things.

ok. it looks gloomy out. nap time.

Word.

I don't really have much to report. My birthday came and went. It was pretty enjoyable. I am still enjoying having my sister around. She didnt have to work today either! Yay! Although I didn't drink alcohol yesterday... or today (lol) its a weird thought to know I can. I DO want to get another tattoo. I have ideas... this is good since I normally dont! That is expensive, though and I feel like a waste of money right now! Craig left a book at our house which I ended up reading. It was an autobiography on a dude. He made a statement something like this: I felt like God wanted me to proclaim my faith using my body. Almost every tattoo he has (and he is quite covered) has a Christian meaning. I thought this was very cool. What an interesting way to witness to todays world? I have also been wandering if I would like to get one in a spot that is a little more seen than on my rib cage. I know I want to finish what I started with the flower idea on my left side... my next move may be my upper arm. Who knows? I really like the idea though. I don't want to be compulsive, though, so I will continue to think about it!

Christi and I looked at apartments today. She took me to the Verandah. WHY?! That place is beyond amazing. Blah... everything else sucked when compared. It is definitely "luxury living" as the pamphlet said. We could probably push it and live there, but if I am wanting to come back for a year after I graduate to SAVE MONEY, that wouldn't be smart. Sigh. So after my mind was spoiled, we will probably end up living in... something else. Haha... its so strange to start thinking about what job to get when I graduate. I actually have qualifications for a REAL job. I will have a degree... thats more than just a B.A. Its a B.F.A. That's good. Lol. Anyways, I will quite rambling!

Hey, everytime you come to my page, click on one of the ads on the top or right of the page!!! YEAH yeah?? They pay me for the amount of "clicks" I get. I can't click on them. Make me some money, no?? Cool. If you get it, I will do it for you to :).
PEACE OUT!!!

The anthem for my 21st year: Be very wise, then, how you live- not as unwise, but as wise. Ephesians.... something.

School. I'm ready for you.

I am ready to be learning again. Ready for some art history. Ready to soak it all up. Weird? Maybe... depends on the prof, I guess. Speaking of which... lets go check out my schedule. OH DANG I have a hard Art History prof. She is good, though. It appears that I am taking the following:

Advanced Photography- I think we are making big pinhole cameras... eh... doesn't sounds very exciting to me.
Drawing III- figurative drawing... I hope the model is in shape... sorry, I don't want to be starin' at no flab. I will FREAK OUT if its the same chick as last semester. OH man. I get so freaking bored with drawing the same person by the end of the semester.
Northern Renaissance Art History- probably a research paper in there. POO!!!
Three-D Design- I hope thats cool... the professor doesn't speak english very well. It might be a test of my patience which is something I am kind of looking for...
Independent Study- photography... either "digital" on my india photos, or a study on the Diana and the Lomo cameras. GOSH I want to do BOTH! hmm. CAN I?? I would probably shoot myself. I need a job too. I applied at Hobby Lobby... they said they would call in a week or two. That was last week. I will call when I move up there, maybe.

I have a feeling I will be a little bit of a hermit when I get up there until I get all this India stuff done. Karen inspired me to go look at the qualifications for a National Geographic magazine photography position (my dream job). I need a little bit 'o photojournalism experience. Gosh, I'm so interested in so many different types of photography... anyways... while I was there, I saw an open call (photo contest) and I'm definitely going to put some India pics in. How cool would that be if I won in one of the categories? MAN, I would be PSYCHED!

Ok, I guess I will go wander. The house is so boring these days. No internet as of late and no cable as of always. I suppose I will go read or something. Peace out.

India Journal

Well, for anyone who wants to, I have typed up my india journal and posted it to a new blog:
http://beckysindiajournal.blogspot.com/
leave a comment there (not here, please) about what you think if you read it. cool. there you have it.

and so 21 comes to me as well.

it appears that I will be turning 21 soon. of course, the big TWO-ONE is generally highly looked forward to by all because they can now legally become intoxicated. right... sorry... no bitter jokes. as you might be able to tell, alcohol infuriates me. "why? its not a problem, if you do it in moderation!" yes. this is true. it is also idealistic. i don't know anyone who has "tried" alcohol and not gotten drunk... even if it was accidental. trust me, i don't blame them for the accident... but to me, its just like... why even bother? other than the small dose of red wine thats "good for you" alcohol, to me, is nothing but a killer. a killer of people, of relationships and of hearts. i am sure i will be faced with that inevitable question, "so did you party it up??" when more and more people come to realize that i have turned 21. i can assure you that it will take everything that is in me not to punch them in the face and say, "NO YOU DOUCHE. alcohol has done nothing but ruin my friends' lives. WHY would I want ANYTHING to do with that???"

I kinda like my Lord.

I was looking at some of my pictures today. I am so humbled. I absolutely know that it was the Lord taking so many of those for me while I was in India. I don't know why He chose me to be the instrument, but I am just grateful to be a part of it. I feel like I am on the verge of something. I don't know what... but I definitely know that he is my conductor and I am just a player (a very happy and grateful one). I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way. I was just able to sit back today and be amazed by Him... once again.

...I don't know. I am just so blessed by Him always. In so many ways. I'm not much of a crier, but somehow, He always gets the tears flowin'...

Christians Do IT Too!

My dear friend Brittany Ritchie is getting married soon. I will attend her bachelorette party on Sunday. Today, therefore, I wound up in the skankiest lingerie store that I knew of (well, that my friend knew of). While in the store, I was on the phone with my mother, discussing what we should get Britt (nipple tassels?? or nipple CLAMPS?? decisions, decisions.) Of course, I let out a chuckle or two, especially at a few... *echm* squirt guns that were a bit shocking.... and at my mother's suggestion of body candy. I also felt a bit awkward/pervy being in there all alone and... well, most people tell me (when they don't know me) that I look like I am 15. I think I managed to play it cool, though. I wrapped up my shopping, bought the items (which will remain un-said) without blushing, and walked out of the store. As I approached my car, I realized that my shirt BOLDLY stated:

"For Christ's Love COMPELS me to serve..."

I BUSTED out laughing... here I am tryin' to play it cool in a skanky store and what am I wearing? OH! Of course... a Jesus shirt. But hey, like the title says, Christians do it too!!! aaaaaaaahahahahaha!

reality check

dude. kiddos are hard work. i babysat tonight for the first time in a WHILE. they are freakin GOOD kids too... my second cousins... marquel (um, not sure how to spell it. i know. i suck.) and miles. miles was a little sick and was missing mommy and daddy but i mean, he wasnt miss-behaving or anything... and marquel was like... the bomb diggity... but still! i dont know how people manage having kids all day for the rest of their lives. or at least until the kid(s) are like 10-12 and they can pretty well function and reason on their own. AHHH definitely not ready for that road, yo. i think i will just stick to baby sitting the coolest kids in existence. for another 50 years.
sweet. peace.

oh... we got more fish. one of those sucky fish too... my fave of the new ones... she cleans the tank. her name is rosario (off of will and grace!!) aaaaahhhhhahaha! i love it!

Patrick Watson

Look what myspace showed me:




this one makes me go crazy. i love it in all of its messy jumbled awesomeness.


are you kidding me? a saw is played in this one! he uses his voice like an instrument in this!! SO COOOOOOL


lucky for me, MTV apparently did a thing on them so there is quality stuff on youtube. ohhhh i love how insane they all are. gosh. you have no idea how impressed I am. I wish I could let my passions take over me like that- only leaving room for respect and love of the Lord. gosh.

Christi Llew

My sister is the most self-less person I know.



'nuff said.

oh BLAH

Why is it that we draw nearer to the Lord during times of trial? I mean, I know why... because we need help. I see Him the most when I need Him the most. THATS SO ANNOYING THOUGH. GOSH I am lame. Why can't I be just as near and aware of Him in the good times as in the bad?? Sometimes I find myself wishing there could always be something "wrong" so I could always feel Him like I feel Him now... like I felt Him in India. But man, on the other hand, the "trial" part REALLY sucks. jdsaindlksa

I kinda just want to go bang my head up against the wall a few times.

I feel like the freakin' people of Judah and Israel. I read about them and am like, "Man... look at those idiots... do they not see how good they have it? Then they just go and crap all over it." Then of course, God, in His unfailing love and kindness takes them back time after time after TIME after TIME! How am I any different? I may not build a little fat dude and start worshiping him, but don't I always forget the Lord in the "good times"? Maybe not at first, but if I am being honest here, I always do eventually. I get lazy- but time after time after TIME He takes me back under His wing. When I need Him again, when I have a problem, He says, "It's ok, beloved. I love you. I am here for you always."

...and I thought SATAN was a douche-bag.





Fishy behavior...

Talk about IMAGERY

So... I was readin'. You might have heard of it... it's this book called Habakkuk. Chapter three blew my mind- specifically verses 1-15. Please go read it and just TRY to tell me that your mind does go bonkers too with crazy pictures of what God will look like on that day... O. M. G. (yes, I really said that. I have been saying that a lot lately... like in real life. I know, I am ashamed too.) It almost stresses me out that someone can put something like that into words. (Well, I guess it was technically the Lord speaking and Habakkuk listening/telling/writing) Its like... he was looking at a painting... no... a MOVING painting and he described it perfectly. I don't know. I quite enjoyed it. I had to put it down after I read that chapter. I could not go on. My mind would have exploded. I had to let it simmer and soak.









A side note. Meet Fatty:



This is where Fatty and his friends (Leilani, Ezekial, and Luna) live:


They freakin' rock. Fatty is a HAUS and most DEFINITELY the best.

A walk on the wild side

I got really angry today. Audra was over, so I had to take a walk so as not to frighten her. I'm not sure anyone has every seen me loose it when I have been truly angry. It's not pretty, it sometimes scares me even... I used to have a punching bad hanging in the garage to help me out a little. Its not there anymore. So I went for a walk. I think I have gotten better at controlling the ugly beast. I used to just let it take control of me... in private of course. Things usually ended up broken. I am sure you have been there at least once or twice in your life... welcome to my anger world. As I was walking God was definitely with me. Somehow, scripture managed to push its way through my muddied thinking.

James 1
"19My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 21Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you."

I started saying it over and over in my mind.... slow to become angry... slow to become angry... love is patient... love is kind... slow to be come angry... love is patient... love is kind. Then I began to think of all my blessings. My sister. Lets just take a look at her for a second, yeah? She works full-time, nearly everyday. She comes home very tired and almost always ends up giving into my, "IM BORED!! Lets do something!" Normally... she ends up paying. HEY oh yeah... I have three cats. One of them was suspected sick. She paid for the vet (because I have no money or job) and is letting me slowly pay her back. It was no measly bill. Wait a second... she is paying for most of the electricity over here too and other bills. What do I do?? OH thats right.... nothing. Then there are my parents who are knowingly going into major debt to put me through college. For what... a photo degree?? And then there is the whole "give becky $80 dollars a week so she can survive" thing. Not to mention they let me live in a house rent free, pay all my other bills, let me live in an apartment for school, give me a car, gas to go in the car, clothes, and anything else I can think of that I have the audacity to ask for. We can't forget Audra... she comes over here everyday. Without which, I would literally go insane. She also puts up with my ridiculous mood swings and cuddle attacks. What would I do without Audra? Thinking about these things calmed me down and made me realized what a douche bag Satan is. I am absolutely provided for. I am abundantly blessed in all things- and yet friggen SATAN is all up in my business telling me that I deserve this... or I deserve that... or I shouldn't pick this up because I didn't put it there... or "its not my turn" to do _______.

Again, I say... spiritual warfare in America looks much different than what I had ever imagined. Pray for me, will you?


_________________
A few hours later:

"I think I have gotten better at controlling the ugly beast"
... I spoke too soon.