Sickness and Spiders...

This morning was "one of those mornings."

I seemed to have had caught the flu at some point last week. It started rearing its ugly little head around Tuesday- though I thought it was just a cold. By Wednesday, I was on my death bed. (Ok- not really, but close.) Now, if you know me at all, you know that I'm stubborn. When I want something, I will stop at nothing to accomplish it; including going to work not yet fully recovered. Fast forward to Friday around 3 o'clock. Time for work. I was indeed feeling better, having even called in sick to work the day before (NOT my style.) I even had some energy. Well... that didn't last long. By the time I got home, I thought I might pass out just from climbing up my stairs. Luckily, my bed was on the other side of the door at the top of those stairs. I tend to be the type of person who thinks, "Suck it up, Rabb. You're not going to die- just get it done." Last night before going to bed, I believe my only prayer was, "Lord! Give me energy in the morning to last through working all day tomorrow!" So, imagine my disappointment when this morning rolled around and my little body felt like it weighed one million pounds. I probably gave a sad little whimper, but my "suck it up" motto kicked in, and I got ready for work anyways. Thinking I would be late, I ended up having to rush about to gather my things, slap together a measly little lunch, and hustle out the door!! OH the energy that took! I got in my car, slumped down in the chair, took a few deep breaths, and put the car in reverse (the most difficult of all gears, I swear!).

As I was driving down the street, gearing myself up for work (pun intended), I noticed something moving out of the corner of my eye. It was a spider. Crawling along its web. Inside. My. Car.

Now, I don't fear many things in life. After hearing the phrase, "Becky, you have to have brain surgery..." a lot of your other fears blow right out the window, you feel me? But somehow, spiders have remained on the top 10 list of things that I'm still afraid of- perhaps #1. I felt panic rise in me, but, somehow, one of the gifts God has given me is calm in the face of a tragedy (Yes. Spiders equal tragedy. Stop judging me.) After the initial panic rose, the calm and level headedness set in (seriously, if you ever cut your arm off, you will want me to be there). I pulled to the side of the road, recognizing my absolute fear, put on my hazard lights, rolled down my window, took off my seat belt (in case, God forbid, the spider fell on me and I had to JUMP out of the car) and grabbed some paper in the seat next to me to squish it's guts out.

The squishing commenced.

I smeared its dead body, off of the paper and onto my side mirror (I need a car wash), and gently replaced the bloodied Costco tire receipt (that I still needed) back onto the chair beside me. Ew.

It was then that I was faced with a choice. I had just had a kind of terrible morning in the world of Becky. What was I going to do with that? I could either, 1) Laugh about it, or 2) throw myself a pity party and probably ruin the rest of my day. So often in life, we choose the later. Why? Does it REALLY make us feel better to throw a pity party for ourselves? No! In fact, it makes us feel even worse and feel worse ALL day long! So much of life is what we make of it. I chose the first, and have had a quite enjoyable morning (despite the sickness and spiders) because of it! Yes. I said it. You can choose your feelings.

Is something awkward? You've probably chosen it. Is something intense? You've probably made it that way. Is something depressing? You've probably chosen pity over joy. Are you feeling lonely? You've probably chosen isolation over community. There are always exceptions, but generally, this is the rule, and its certainly a worthy one to live by.

Chose life, and choose to live it abundantly, friends. Choosing "the high road" can be hard at first if you are not used to it, but it gets easier. I promise ;). There is nothing in life (trust me, I've had a few very interesting things come along) thrown our way that with the help of our gracious God, and loving community, we can't handle. Praise God.

1 Cor 10:13 The Message
"All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it."

Healing Stories

Well! I've had a hankering to write lately, but wasn't sure what to write about. After having a little prayer session in the office today, and seeing some immediate results, why not just offer up some testimony of some healings I've seen recently?

The first one goes back a couple of months. I went along with a group of friends to pray for some healing from cancer. Now... I've got a personal problem with cancer- so anytime I get a chance to pray for it to be banished back to the pits of hell, I'm all about it! It's tried to get a few friends of mine now, and has taken a family member of mine as well. The word "cancer" itself has formed into this mighty word that places sorrow and fear into the hearts of many. I hate that. I say now- just as always- cancer is just another sickness, no greater or less than any of the others- and my God surely can take down any and all of them. cancer, who?? cancer, what?? I don't even like capitalizing it, typing it, or saying it. I almost just want to call it, "the 'c' word." I hate it. Can you tell? Anyways, we went to pray for our friend a few times. The second time around, I felt it well up inside of me to pray for her jaw bone, since I myself have seen healing in my bones. Soon after, her jaw bone straightened back up from its previously leaning, and sunken-in state. Other amazing things happened as well while we all prayed and sang over her. Visions were had, pictures were seen, fear was dissolved... we loved it, obviously. Later, we found out that she had an MRI taken of her jaw and surrounding lymph nodes before we came and prayed for her. The MRI showed that she indeed had cancer in her jaw bone and lymph nodes. She had an MRI after we prayed, too. The second MRI was completely clear of all cancer in her jaw bone and lymph nodes.

A more recent one was in me! I went to a healing room with my friend. I walked in with sinuses aching, asthma in my lungs, and very sore from having moved my sister from state to state! The presence of the Lord was very thick in this room. After about 30 minutes of just sitting in His presence, surrounded by worshipers, and enjoying the peaceful atmosphere, I noticed that my sinuses were completely clear, that I could breath deeply and clearly in my lungs, and that my muscles were so relaxed- they were no longer sore! I will say it again- no one even prayed for me. I was simply in His presence, and that is more than enough.

The last one happened just today! My dear friend up here at the office, Betty, has both fractured her foot (we call her Betty-Boot now) and has had a very painful sciatic nerve problem for years. She has tried many operations to get it fixed, but they have only provided temporary relief. So today we had the bright idea to pray for her. I squatted down on my knees, put my hand on her foot, and asked where her back hurt. She showed me, and that's where I put my other hand. A co-worker prayed first- she was very thorough and covered all the bases, asking the Lord for His mending and healing- I didn't even feel a need to pray anything beyond that! It was a great prayer. So then I asked Betty how she felt. She said she felt blessed, but that her back still hurt. I reminded them both that one time, even Jesus prayed twice for someone to get delivered. So I prayed a second time asking for complete healing and for pain to be GONE. A simple request. A simple prayer... knowing that nothing comes from me, but from Him alone. I asked Betty again how she felt. She wiggled around a little, and said, "Huh.... pretty good!" I said, "Really? Like how good?" She wiggled around a little more and said, "Really good! ...my back feels warm where your hand was too..." I giggled a little and said that the Holy Spirit was kinda funny like that sometimes! Sometimes He likes to make His presence known through heat, coolness, or tingling. She replied and said, "Well! I'm just going to call you 'Kathryn' now!" Ahhhhh, what a beautiful complement! I accept! But really- there is nothing special about me, and I'm sure that Kathryn Kuhlman would say the same thing. It's not me. It's all Him. Actually, the more that I am involved, the less likely it is that a healing, miracle, or kingdom occurrence will happen. The more I think about it, the more pressure I put on myself to see results, the more I try and conjure up a "Holy" atmosphere, the more beautiful I try and make a prayer, the less likely it is to happen. (we will see if her foot is still fractured at her x-ray next week.)

I'm reminded of the verse in 2 Chronicles 7:14 that states, "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." Lets break that apart a little as it relates to healing, shall we?

"If my people... will humble themselves and pray..." What if we looked at the word, "humble" not as "ranking low in hierarchy" as Webster defines it, but more of an "emptying" of ourselves? Just empty out your brain! Shut off those worries and concerns! What if we simply recognized that the only thing we were really responsible for was acting... actually walking up to them and saying a simple prayer? "humble themselves AND pray."

"...and seek my face..." All I do is rely on God and let Him do whatever He wants. Wow... that's easy.

"...and turn from their wicked ways..." Personally, I have felt pressure many times to see results anytime I prayed for healing- I had felt this way for a long time. Then I realized its not a matter of how "powerful" my prayers are or what I say- actually that's the opposite of the whole idea (I believe its Mark 10:15 that discusses the value of having a child-like faith). But if I turn from that wicked mindset of somehow thinking that the healing was at all reliant upon me, and remember that its acutally 0% me, suddenly that pressure is alleviated. With all that pressure gone, its much easier to be totally open, to hear God's voice, and notice His little nudges. It becomes much easier for HIS power to pour into an "empty" vessel rather than one that is "clogged" up with MY thoughts, pride, and pressure.

If we do these things it says, "then will I hear them from heaven, (not "maybe"... not "sometimes" ... it says, "'THEN' will I") and forgive their sin (as in MY sinful thinking!) and will heal their land."

People so often are looking for a "formula" to receive healing- well, there you have it. 2 Chronicles 7:14 gets pretty close to laying it out in a "formula" fashion.



John 3:30, "He must become greater, I must become less."

Batter up...

Lately the Lord has been reminding me of the importance of just laying still and resting in His presence and letting Him fill me. I do nothing. I simply lay there with a heart that says, “Ok, Lord. Do whatever you want- this is your time. Just you and me.” ...and even if I don’t feel anything, or get any magnificent vision, I can know that He is true and faithful, and trust that He is laying ground work that I don’t even need to be aware of.

Romans 10:9-10 says it perfectly, and I’m so grateful that I am understanding it on deeper levels that I can’t even articulate:

“It’s the word of faith that welcomes God to go to work and set things right for us. This is the core of our preaching. Say the welcoming word to God-- ‘Jesus is my Master’ -- embracing, body and soul, God’s work of doing in us what he did in raising Jesus from the dead. That’s it. You’re not ‘doing’ anything; you’re simply calling out to God, trusting Him to do it for you. Thats salvation. With your whole being you embrace God setting things right, and then you say it, right out loud: “God has set everything right between him and me! No one who trusts God like this --heart and soul-- will ever regret it.”

Beautiful.

Brilliant.

Mind altering.

World-changing.

I see two things that stand out to me:

1) “It’s the WORD of faith”

This reinforces to me that even if someone is fresh and new to this, that even our words have vast power and authority, and they/we don’t even have to know what we’re doing.

How freeing!

2) “You’re not ‘doing’ anything; you’re simply calling out to God, trusting Him to do it for you.”

So much in this world is “survival of the fittest,” or, “if you work harder, longer, faster-- it’s yours.” Jesus doesn’t roll that way. He wants you to do nothing- or “surrender,” rather. He wants your HEART. Naturally, living in the world and be surrounded by the world’s way of doing things, Christians tend to fall into the pit of striving for more... striving for greater intimacy... striving for healings... striving for wonders...

striving for something that is already theirs...

No. That’s not His game plan. What He gives is always just that- a gift.

I’m reminded of two scriptures:

Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.”

Romans 12:2, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."

A while ago, a friend asked me to pray for them and let them know if I got any words of encouragement, knowledge or pictures. The picture I got for him actually meant a lot to me too, and I feel like it applies here as well.

It started out with me seeing broken baseball bat- and then it was gone. I remember thinking that was strange, but it stuck with me.

Next, I saw a baseball game... the view I had was from behind the pitcher, whose face I never saw. Someone was up to bat... the pitcher threw the ball, the batter missed and the catcher caught the ball. I asked if my friend was the batter, but the Lord said, "No." He said that my friend was the catcher, that he was on the same team with the pitcher, and that their team was winning. I thought that it was interesting... normally the pitcher and batters are the stars in baseball- so why was he the catcher? I began to ask Him what it all meant. He said that HE was the Pitcher, satan was the batter, my friend (or, all His children, really) are the catchers, and the ball was our future (and anything He has for us). Our ONLY job was to keep our eyes on the ball (NOT the batter) and WAIT. The batter- or, the enemy- could be a rather large distraction, obviously, but we as catchers IGNORE the batter, and just act like we are playing catch.

Interesting.

Lets dig in, a little, shall we?

What do catchers do?

-To begin with, they are alert, ready, responsive, and literally on their toes.

-Their eyes are always focused on the ball.

-They have silent communication with the pitcher- partnering together in the way in which the ball will be thrown.

-They hunker down, and wait for that ball to come.

-The ball always comes, but only when the pitcher is ready to throw, and thinks you are ready to receive.

-He then reminded me that our team was winning and that satan had missed the ball.

As His children, this is the same way he wants us to function with him. He is our pitcher, and we are His catchers.

Feeling utterly blessed and astounded at the simplicity and yet depth of it all, I remembered the broken baseball bat at the beginning and asked what that was all about. He said that even before the game had started, the very weapon of the enemy was broken.

Wow. I’m so grateful to be on His team.

Suddenly...

It's that time of year again, can you feel the excitement in the air? I can. I can feel it all the way down to my toes. I have so much to look forward to, and am so incredibly blessed. I look around and see all the ad's for kid's toys and grown-up-iPad-toys. Yep... its Christmas time in America again. I live a life of luxury and favor. Its normally around this time of year, when I am driving to work in a car that was leased for me, and when I am sitting in my expensive office chair clicking around on expensive software to make things look pretty with my bachelors degree under my belt, and when I find myself thinking, "I only got her two presents.... is that enough? Will she know how much she means to me," and when I let my heart long for the $2,300 laptop that I "must" have.... Just when life seems "unfair" because of something that I don't have, their little faces pop up in my head once again.



What is he doing this Christmas? Does he even know what Christmas is? Is he off of drugs yet?



Do they have a home yet? Is she still a prostitute? Have they eaten today? What would they do if they saw all the presents under my tree? What would they do if all those presents were for them? Would they know what to do?



Has he learned to write his name yet? Is he still at the wonderful center? Is someone loving him? Is he still alive?

Suddenly that laptop doesn't seem so essential to life.
Suddenly I appreciate the fact that soon I will be buying my own car and learning the real value of money.
Suddenly my heart can see what life is really about, and all the "Must have"'s and "Did I buy enough"'s get washed away.
Suddenly my heart for ministry has returned to where it originated.
Suddenly I wish all the money spent on me this year for Christmas was donated to Asian Partners International and the great work they do, or to my friend, Allie, teaching in Afghanistan.
Suddenly the commercialism is overwhelming and produces a gag-reflex.
Suddenly I wish all the money spent to buy Christmas candy was used to buy rice for kids who eat on a less-than-regular basis.
Suddenly I have a greater appreciation for the fact that I live in the land of dreams and one of my life-goals (being a working designer) has already been achieved- and I'm only 23.
Suddenly my heart longs to be back over there again holding a dirty little hand and telling them that they are important, not with English words that they don't understand, but with love behind my eyes and a smile on my face.

So, maybe today we can take the time to pray for one of the many little faces over in the unfamiliar land of lost dreams. Maybe we can go even further... Maybe I can donate to a "good cause." Maybe I can put more than just my coin change in the salvation army bucket outside of Walmart. Maybe when I'm IN Walmart, I can buy some extra canned goods and give them to that homeless person I see everyday. Maybe I can re-sensitize my heart to poverty and homelessness. Maybe I can give to the poor and needy like the Bible suggests, and not cynically believe that the money I just gave will be put to bad use.

James 1:27
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Gaining Ground

This evening, for the first time since I moved, I went on a bike ride. Don't worry- I didn't do anything crazy (like ride for 20 miles when I really wasn't prepared to)! As is fitting for this time in my life, everything about it was new. I was gaining ground in new territory.... literally. Normally, I would scout out a path with my car before venturing out to places never before seen. Alas, the sun was setting, so I decided it wouldn't be too tragic if I went ahead and made it an unforeseen adventure. As I was going along my way, I came across a few obstacles.

Obstacle number one: a hill. Not just any hill, my friends! This hill was a bit of a nightmare! Short, but steep! I saw it coming long before I arrived, and many things went through my mind as I approached:

"Crap."

"Maybe I should turn around."

"I should turn around."

"Maybe I can make it."

"What if I made it?"

"I'm gunna go for it."

"I REALLY hope there isn't another hill just beyond it!!"

"HERE WE GO!"

Before reaching the hill, I pumped my little legs as fast as they would go in order to gain momentum for the push once I got there. About half way up the little monster, I found myself standing while pedaling, panting, and wondering if I was going nuts for even attempting the climb. I was SO close though! I saw the "finish line" and just KEPT going! At this point, my mouth was made of cotton, and both legs and lungs were burning like they just took a trip to hades.

But, I made it.

Obstacle number 2: darkness.

I've noticed that the sun tends to go down rather quickly here in Arizona (or maybe everywhere, and I just haven't noticed?!). I figured I would have enough time, though, so instead of going for the intended 6 mile ride, I pressed on for 10. Knowing that I tend to push the limits, and having encountered this little problem of darkness before, I was prepared! I had both headlight and taillight soundly secured to my bike. Even so, the headlight wasn't much compared to the vast darkness that soon enveloped me. The darker it became, the harder it was to even see the path directly in front of me. And yet, if I paid close enough attention, I avoided all pit-holes, and managed to remain on the very narrow shoulder. The small, but steady stream of light pierced through the ever growing darkness.

Perhaps you see where I am going with all this? When you see a challenge approaching you in life, instead of giving up, gear up! Plan accordingly! Gain momentum so that when your legs and lungs are burning, you will be all that much closer to the "finish line." If momentum is not gained, and preparations are not made, it simply makes it all that much harder to persevere. And, when darkness catches you off guard, just keep paying CLOSE attention to where the Light is shining and leading you, and you will not stray off of your path or have to bump through the pit-holes of life. Darkness can easily become overwhelming, but if you stay near that steady stream of light, it will always pierce through the darkness. Because even in new, and uncharted adventures, He will surely guide you home.

Rhymin'

My heart races at the thought of You.

My mind goes places that I never knew.

Visions of angelic faces

Meet me in most random places.

No more demons breaking down my door-

Spirit-stricken, rather, on the floor.

Adorned in armor made of gold,

I walk on by- they'll have no hold...

..."set apart"- so I'm told.

Gardens blooming in the face

of fear and doubt- they have no space.

So, I'll hold to that secret place

Where I look You in the face-

It's here my heart begins to race,

When we meet in the secret place.

Change

My, how life changes in an instant. I think I have learned this in a few big ways through out the years...

In as long as it takes to get a phone call, BAM- life was changed:
"Becky, you have to have brain surgery..."

In as long as it takes to hear a word from the Lord, BAM- life was changed:

"Becky, move away from all that you know. Move to Phoenix."

In as long as it takes to read an e-mail, BAM- life was changed:

"Becky, Its too dangerous right now in the city we were going to send you to for a year of your life, and its only going to get worse in the near future. You can't go."

Most recently (but perhaps not as dramatically ;) ), life has changed again. Two weeks ago I was living at home with my parents, and had no job in sight. Since then, I have moved out, and am working full time. I have definitely swung into a new phase of life; one that is much more busy, one that flies by, one with loads more people, one in which it is easy to GO GO GO until I drop. I've yet to establish my own routine, and I think I am paying for it a bit. Im not sure if its because I have gone until I literally dropped, or if I just caught a little cold, but this cold has been used for the good (screw you, satan). It's showing me already that I am going to need lots more discipline if I'm going to do this thing well. It has shown me that I really need to pay even more attention to what my body is telling me. Its showing me that, as Nik talked about last week, in a season of fruitfulness, rest seems almost even more important than before- I need rest to be sustained! It's shown me that even though many of the people who I love most in life may be in the next room, and I may want to be in there more than I could imagine, I still need to go to bed. Its shown me that its ok to say, "I need to go home and rest. I will be back tomorrow." I'm learning that even though I may want to go into the other room and chill with whoever is there, I still need some time alone to collect myself and spend precious time with my Creator.

I think the most valuable lesson learned here is how to say, "no." When something as hugely tempting as friends or medicine is laid down in front of you, and you want it more badly than a drug addict want's his next hit (is that dramatic? baahaha), the answer (for me, at least) is still, "no." (incase you don't know, I try as hard as I can to stay away from medicine now days because I want more than anything to rely on the Lord, and the Lord alone- even when its really difficult.)

...speaking of responsibility... time to leave for work ;)

Vomit, or Ice Cream!? Your Choice.

Lets be honest. This week has been weird.

Chaotic thoughts have been pumping through the veins of my mind, and the "what if's" of life have been taking their toll. The enemy has been vomiting in my ear, and if I'm being perfectly honest, I have been paying too much attention to the mess.

To an outsider looking in, my life is vanilla ice cream with cherries on top.

That outsider is 100% correct. I couldn't be more blessed.

But, the culprit who leaves the stinky mess sees my tremendous favor, and wants me to believe otherwise- to believe in his lies. He wants me to see the vanilla ice cream with cherries on top, and worry that it will melt, or fall to the floor. If I were to do so- if I were to engage with his deceit, I would miss out on tasting and seeing what is good and true. I would miss out on the provisions that the Alpha and Omega has graciously handed to me.

Is He not my creator? Did He not knit me together? Wasn't it He who gave me this heart? Isn't He the one who has given me my dreams? How dare I doubt that He would do anything but provide- and do so in the most awe-inspiring ways?

Thankfully, the Lord is patient and gentle with me- even when I have trouble taking pleasure in the ice cream of life! He calmly and faithfully speaks to me in glorious pictures and visions, and never fails to blow my mind through His word- both living and written.

Chaos is never fun. But, bless the Lord, its becoming easier to recognize the stench.

Isn't it interesting how the phrase, "I don't know" seems to become virtually weightless once we relinquish our own desperate attempts at controlling the universe around us? Isn't it funny how light it becomes the more child-like we become? When we sit back and relax, and flat out indulge in the double helping of goodness that He offers, life is something to be enjoyed! Can't we just know and trust that our Perfect Daddy will protect us from evil- an evil that He has already vanquished. And if, for some reason, our ice cream does manage to drop, we can still rest, because our Daddy owns the ice cream shop, and we get free re-fills ;).

"The One who calls you is faithful and He will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5: 24

It is for freedom that He's set us free!

Two days ago I found myself bobbing up and down in my pool- time to work out. I set out to tread water for 10 minutes. I had my timer going, and before I knew it I had indeed reached 10 minutes. But, was that good enough? No. "I must push myself further," I thought!

12 minutes. "Not good enough. I will go for 15."

15 minutes. "I've gone this long before... not impressed. I will go for 20."

20 minutes. "This is the longest I've ever gone! But how cool would that be to reach 25 minutes??"

25 minutes. "I wonder what the record is for treading water. I wonder if I can beat it. Im going to try for 30 minutes!"

27 minutes. "Oh sweet Jesus, shoot me in the face!!"

30 minutes. "Well, I may die now, but at least I tripled my original goal."

Yesterday I had planned to go for a bike ride. My last ride was 8 miles, so I figured I would up my goal to 10 for the day. I set out at around 10:45 and it didn't take me long to reach the days goal. Was it good enough? No. "Omgosh, how lame does 10 miles sound right now?! People RUN 10 miles all the time! I'm not impressed. I'll go for 12."

12 miles. "12 miles!? People still run this, and I've gone further before. Lame. I'll go for 15."

15 miles. "Well, this is the furthest I've ever gone, but 15 still sounds pretty pathetic. I wonder if I can make it to 17."

"Oh! Let me try this new road with several hills designed specifically to kill me!"

"Eh, If I can do this road once, I can do it again."

"And again.... still not impressed with myself."

17 miles. "Dang. I may die soon, but 17 miles is still just not cutting it for me. I should probably go in. I should probably get more water. I should probably get sunscreen. I feel the Holy Spirit asking me why it matters to me. Whatever. I'm going to keep going."

20 miles. "20 miles? I'm still not impressed in the least, and am just plain annoyed that my body has stopped working and I couldn't keep going. Dumb body! Ugh. I guess I will go in."

And this, Ladies and gentlemen, is how my little mind works- not only in working out- but in life if I let it. "I must do better! I must go bigger! It must be perfect! Its not good enough! A pro would do better! I must, I must, I must!"

I have a bachelors degree. Good enough? Nope. I want my masters.

I have art up in two different places. Good enough? Nope. It's not New York.

"What a good drawing, Becky!" Good enough? Nope. Let me point out to you it's flaws.

"You look so pretty, Becky!" Good enough? Nope. I could have done more.

"What a great picture, Becky!" Good enough? Nope. There is a color cast that I can't get rid of.

I've lost 53 pounds. Good enough? Nope. I don't see a six pack.

I have been learning about discipline lately. Generally, I have the discipline to get things done, and done on time. I think the problem will lie in being disciplined enough to know when to stop, and to be ok with it! I am a perfectionist, and sometimes, it comes back to bite me in the butt (like right now! If only you could feel my sunburn from yesterdays ride!!). It seems that when I do things, its very easy for me to slip into doing them in line with the worlds standards. "Is it good enough? Is it fresh enough? Is it big enough?"

No, no, little Becky.

I can't forget to always listen to that gentle whisper. Let Him tell me what's what, what's good enough, and when to stop. I can't let that other voice tell me lies about how, "Thats not impressive, you can go further!" Or, "Keep going- push yourself beyond reason!" How silly is that? What a way to live. Nope. I will NOT live that way, even if it takes a sunburn to make me see it!

It is for freedom that He has set us free.

It's funny how that phrase continues to take on more and more meaning. I love that He continues to show me how it applies to my life, and each time He does I feel like a kid in a candy shop who just CAN'T get enough of all the freedom He has to offer me ;).

I will bomb you.

Well, it has been quite a while, no? Yes. Apparently, I will not be going to Asia as I had anticipated- at least not in the near future. The city where my base would be is experiencing loads of political and social turmoil, which equals violence and acts of terrorism. Sounds like a good way to deal with things, yes? No. I'm bummed. I won't lie. There is nothing I (or anyone else for that matter) can do about it, though. I've done my moping. Time to move on.

As for the future, I am looking into going back to school and getting my masters in design- emphasizing (hopefully) on illustration and printmaking. I don't know why, but I have always thought it would be so much fun to work for a card company! Well... thats just the work side of it... hopefully I will be in the art world too. What am I saying? I WILL be in the art world. For right now, at least, it is easy for me to stress about getting accepted into my top schools and how the heck financial aid works (and all that jazz).

Instead of worrying, I will choose think about August 31st when I get to go to South Carolina to see my dear friend, and her wonderful family. If thats not good enough for you, I get to go with one of my favorite people in the whole world. Yep. I will think on these things.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Phil 4:8